Posted by pegasus on November 12, 2010, at 11:02:16
In reply to Re: Dependence versus attachment, posted by Solstice on November 11, 2010, at 22:07:54
Thanks for trying to explain, Solstice. I'm still confused, but that's probably more about me than about what you wrote. It all seems so subjective, what's a problem, and what's healthy and necessary. The cure for over dependence sounds a lot like fostering a secure attachment.
I watch my daughter being so attached to me, and I have tried hard to help her feel secure in her attachment. I've read a lot about attachment, and practiced attachment parenting. And yet, there are certainly times when she seems very clingy - more so than other kids her age. I wonder if maybe I was like that as a kid. Maybe I just have a genetic tendency toward overdependence. My mom says she doesn't remember if I was clingy. Which maybe is evidence for why I might not have been securely attached to her (wasn't she paying attention?) So, now I'm back at the problem being attachment.
Also, while my daughter is dependent/attached to me, I'm dependent/attached to her as well. It's a different from me to her than it is from her to me, but it is mutual in some sense. I can't imagine how devastated I'd be if I lost her somehow. I'm filled with joy whenever I pick her up from school, and I think of her during the day when we're apart. There are two things that are different about this than the preoccupation I had with my ex-T, which gets labeled as overdependence. 1) This interdependence with my daughter feels good and healthy, while the dependence on my T always felt somehow wrong or too much (to me - he didn't seem to mind it), and 2) the thing with my ex-T was one sided. Perhaps 2) leads to 1).
Sorry to be trying to take this thread off on a rabbit trail about me and my issues. Maybe I should have started a separate thread.
Annabelle, I agree with what Solstice says about how to deal with this day and the upcoming session. It sounds like you've gotten into a state where you cannot identify one or two things that seem most important. So, the best you can do, I agree, is lay out the problem to your T, and ask for his help getting started. It sounds like you'll have future sessions that you can use to get to the parts that you don't have time for today. Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.