Posted by Annabelle Smith on November 11, 2010, at 21:45:15
In reply to Re: Therapy and termination » Annabelle Smith, posted by Solstice on November 11, 2010, at 1:24:59
Thank you so much, Solstice for your response. I always appreciate what you have to say. You have really been to that place and know what it is like.
>> You wrote: "From the beginning, when my HT wants to call my attention to something, it's always prefaced with something like "I'm wondering if..." or "Maybe you are..." and then closed with "what do you think?" The beauty of that is that if I think HT has missed the mark, I can say "Well, I think it's more that I...", etc."
Yes. That is a compassionate and inviting way in which to interact. The therapist with whom I am reinitiating also talks and interacts in a similar way. It just hurt me so much to feel blamed and "pegged" down again. The most painful thing about the last therapeutic relationship was that a gaping rift had opened between us that he didn't know about but that was all I could see.
I need to talk to my therapist about dependence and attachment. My fear in doing so is that he will withdraw-- not physically, as I can't imagine he would actually tell me to leave and not come back, but in what is for me the worst way, emotionally. I am afraid that he will become emotionally detached and unavailable-- that I will have to go into the session and search for him and maybe not even find him; that the gaping chasm will re-emerge between us. But I think it is worth the risk to be open and honest. I stand paralyzed at a crossroads; if I never move then things are never going to change.