Posted by Marie Box on May 1, 2010, at 15:59:29
In reply to Want to quit, but do I need to 'fess up, first?, posted by Marie Box on April 26, 2010, at 1:48:27
Thank you SO MUCH for responding. I feel like this place is keeping me sane (well, as sane as I can be! aha).
My initial goals in therapy related to alleviating physical symptoms and taking care of academic struggles.
Later on, though, I do remember redefining them as desiring to build trust in myself, in others, and in the world in general. Pretty vague, right?
I do think trust is an issue for me. Strangely enough, I have grown increasingly open with people in my life, but I am still very reluctant to be open with my therapist.
I think I may be fighting off some pretty strong transference feelings. The more consistently and positively she responds to me and my secrets that I drop in every once in a while, the more grateful, caring, and needy I feel towards her. I think I am embarrassed by how strong my reactions to her are, and also embarrassed about some perceived flaws in myself, and I don't want her to know any of this.
Like, right now, I feel warm inside and very comfortingly (yet alarmingly) emotional in response to her, since I saw her recently. But sometimes its the opposite of that--I really devalue her, or I just simply dismiss her. After seeing her so many times, I'm sure she notices this. She comments on my ambivalence towards her and towards therapy a lot.
I wouldn't mind feeling positive feelings towards her if they didn't take me over so entirely outside of therapy.
I still refused to schedule an official appointment again, even though she encouraged me, too. Though, I know I will. Am I being passive-aggressive, or what? Sheesh.
poster:Marie Box
thread:945106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/945889.html