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Re: Want to quit, but do I need to 'fess up, first? » Marie Box

Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2010, at 7:25:50

In reply to Re: Want to quit, but do I need to 'fess up, first?, posted by Marie Box on May 5, 2010, at 2:35:43

My therapist is also nondirective, and sometimes it irritates the heck out of me. But for the most part I think it's a recognition on his part that I don't respond well to pushing.

I understand that your experience with your psychiatrist would be offputting. But psychiatrists are (often) not therapists. My psychiatrist never wants to know more than a brief and preferably clinical statement about my mood, and a list of side effects.

My therapist used to have me read aloud the things I brought into him, because he didn't want me to use writing as a way to avoid emotional contact in session. But he did appreciate my being more open, however I went about it.

One of the most important lessons I learned in therapy is that my therapist can't read my mind. He's not even that great at reading my emotions. He's not going to understand what I communicate to him by my actions or my attitudes. Even if he does understand that something is going on, likely as not he'll be wrong as to what it is. I need to tell him what's going on with me, and likely explain it more than once or explain what I need from him.

That's been surprisingly helpful to me.

It's also been helpful to me to talk to him about my feelings about what's going on in the room. So if I'm feeling frustrated that he's not directive, I'll say exactly that. Or if I'm afraid to let him know me, really know me, then I say that.

In particular, I think I'd be champing at the bit to know why he'd changed therapeutic style with me. My assumption would be that he thought it wasn't working well with me, but I think I'd like to know what he's doing now and why he thinks it will work better.

All this sounds sort of silly, but since therapy helps me learn to regulate my emotions, helps me with my emotional intelligence, all of these discussions become the very meat of the therapeutic process. What am I feeling? What do I need? Am I interpreting his silence in a way that isn't in my best interests, and that isn't true? Does how I interpret his actions and words reflect a general trend of how I see others?

It is difficult, and that's why small steps like bringing in writing can help at first. It gets easier over time.

(Also, I used to read obsessively about psychology for a long time. It's passed, I think. Or perhaps I just found those readings that were helpful to me.)

 

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poster:Dinah thread:945106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/946386.html