Posted by Marie Box on April 26, 2010, at 1:48:27
Hi, everybody. I messaged on here only a couple of times before, but now I'm back. Sorry to just drop in here with these questions.
I haven't been to therapy for a couple of weeks, and I've really enjoyed the time away from it. I'm functioning fairly well, and I'm much happier and less obsessive & anxious.
This makes me feel like I am ready to stop therapy altogether, but I feel caught. I am unhappy whenever I go to see my therapist; I think I care about her and want to be close to her, but I also resent her and want to push her away. I feel like if I'm "ready" to leave therapy then I should be able to go to a session and tell her that, but I really don't want to; I just want to stop going.
I think I don't want to talk to her because I feel like I am keeping secrets from her, and I know I've lied to her in the past. If I go to another session with her, I'll feel the need to tell her all of the stuff I've kept from her, or for some reason, I'll feel dishonest and scared. Like I HAVE to tell my therapist everything and "confess" everything, even if it isn't relevant to anything that I feel like I need to work on.
I guess I just feel locked in this cycle with my therapist. We're not getting anything done, and I don't really feel like I need help with anything, but at the same time, I don't want to let her go and I want to have an authentic relationship with her and tell her all this stuff. The past few sessions, I've just sat and sort of deflected questions and felt uncomfortable. I feel like my therapist doesn't know what to do to make this better, which just sort of reaffirms--in my mind--that therapy isn't really working.
I guess this isn't really a question so much as a rant. I feel stuck and don't really know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy anymore because I hate that "stuck" feeling, you know?
poster:Marie Box
thread:945106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/945106.html