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Re: This is ridiculous » Daisym

Posted by antigua3 on June 28, 2009, at 8:49:04

In reply to Re: This is ridiculous » TherapyGirl, posted by Daisym on June 27, 2009, at 23:12:47

I guess it helps a bit when you simply define the words and they aren't felt as if they were loaded with such emotional meaning. I'm fine with the standard definitions, and I wish I could stick with them, but you've helped me here to see them "emotionless" if that's actually a word. Hmm, you might be onto something here--they are simply words.

Victim does imply passivity, and except for a little girl who naturally wants her father's attention (and all that Oedipal stuff), and then when she gets that attention and it proceeds beyond attention into sex, there are some feelings that make me think that I wasn't passive, because I wanted the attention. But, Daisy, in no way, did you or I ever "want" what happened to happen, and if other things happened that made us feel like we weren't passive participants, the truth is that you/I were coerced, and that still makes us NOT responsible. You need to see this. You feel guilt and shame where you shouldn't. You're placing too much of a burden on yourself, just as I do. (That's my rant for the day. Maybe if I can convince you, because I can see it clearly for you, than I can convince myself.)

"I want to be the child this happened to, not be the happening itself."
This makes a lot of sense to me.

"(the truth is I just want to be able to think of myself as a child, period.)
this is exactly my problem (not saying it's a problem for you). I want to the be the innocent child, but I can never be that person again, and since I've lost that child now (she's hopefully just in hiding as so many of you have suggested), I am being forced to grow up. But I guess I don't know what the grownup is supposed to look like, or what she's supposed to feel. I don't want to grow up!

Finally, don't worry. I know I was a victim; I'm not one now. You say the worst is over. This is what my pdoc says, but in some ways it's not. Flashbacks are just as real as if it's happening now and I can't be sure they are over at all. I fear the worst is yet to come.

I'm breathing.
Thanks for all your help,
antigua

 

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