Posted by antigua3 on June 27, 2009, at 18:53:56
In reply to Re: Victim/Survivor terminology**possible sa trigg » antigua3, posted by wittgensteinz on June 27, 2009, at 14:45:37
thank you, and it's nice to see to you around again.
I don't see myself as innocent of responsibility. I believe it logically, but I don't feel it. How do you do that?
I thought it interesting that you said, "Perhaps it makes you feel guilty that someone calls you this - e.g. "was it so bad that I'm a victim?" That's exactly how I feel.
This hurts a lot, not being able to get my head around this. I guess I'm not at ease w/the fact that it happened and that it was damaging and permanent.
I don't want it to be damaging and permanet! That hurts so very much. It's very raw.
I thought I was learning to accept it, but at some level I'm still denying it. Partly because it feels like believing it destorys my core self and I feel like I have no legs to stand on if I have to accept it. I know logically that's not true--I've grown up, but have I really? Is it safer to want to feel the innocence of being the young girl before the abuse, or is to better to accept it the horribleness, incorporate what this means to me at my core self into my present day life and move on? That's the goal, but it's just too sad and painful to give it up, or maybe it's too sad to accept it.
thanks,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:903453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903511.html