Posted by antigua3 on June 28, 2009, at 11:48:59
In reply to Re: Victim/Survivor terminology**possible sa trigg » antigua3, posted by fleeting flutterby on June 28, 2009, at 10:33:01
> > > ---flutterby: I'm sorry it hurts you so much. You know what though, every experience that holds some meaning(negative or positive) is permanent...I think any life experience that gives meaning- evil or good-- is permanent within us. The thing that matters is how we decide to live with it, finding our way to inner peace and loving ourselves for all our flaws and graces.
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> Yes, it's like the memories and flashbacks. They have to be moved from short-term memory to long-term memory so that I can heal. I'm learning to do this with memories, but you've made me think this is what I have to do about these feelings--quit thinking/believing that they define me now and accept them as things that just happened.
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> ---flutterby: not sure I understand some things-- "too sad and painful to give it up"--- do you mean give up that little innocent girl?>Yes, giving up the innocent girl is very painful. But I guess these feelings have to be integrated rather than given up, but right now they seem so separate from the person I am today. I feel like they do define me, when in fact that's probably not true.
---flutterby: don't you think there is a part of you that is sweet and innocent?>No, not anymore. She feels lost to me now.
--flutterby: "too sad to accept it"-- do you mean the abuse and how it made you see yourself?
>No, it's too sad to accept that she is gone, because the innocence was really gone after the abuse.
--flutterby: maybe the abuse was so far off balance(the norm of healthy people) that one figures it had to have been me(the child), at least in part, being the bad one, as an adult just woudln't do such a thing without me(the ignorant child) somehow at the steering wheel.
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>you're right. I think I'm able to forgive everything that happened except what happened with my father. In all the other cases, it was in no way my fault, and unfortunately there were too many "other" cases for a young child to handle. But with my father, I wanted his attention, although I never wanted it to lead to where it led to, and it is hard to not feel some type of responsibility. I'm working on it, though.---flutterby: - I think one of the keys to inner peace is to parent oneself -- be the loving parent that that little girl needed. This is what I'm working on with the T. i see..... it's hard though...... very hard.
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>I'm glad you're making progress. You should be very proud of yourself. But as a mother myself, I see it as my job to help the little girl accept this and move on. That is if I could have access to her again, which seems doubtful right now.Thanks so much. You've given me much to think about.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:903453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903593.html