Posted by Daisym on June 27, 2009, at 23:12:47
In reply to Re: This is ridiculous » antigua3, posted by TherapyGirl on June 27, 2009, at 21:12:00
On the one hand, words are just agreed upon definitions and we use them to describe things in ways that we all understand - a victim of anything is the person the thing happened to. A survivor, of anything, is the person who lived through whatever the thing was. And I'm guessing you understand that part.
I have the same three thoughts always when these words are used: 1) victim implies passivity and I'm pretty sure I wasn't passive; 2) Survivor is a label for csa that "nices" it up and supposedly reminds us of our power, but only serves to remind me of the csa 3) Survivor lumps "us" all together, like our experiences and reactions are the same and like we should all have Survivor Pride or something.
I'm pretty sure that no one likes to be labeled. I want to be a child this happened to, not be the happening itself. Does that make sense? It is part of my experience, not the whole of me. (the truth is I just want to be able to think of myself as a child, period.)
Mostly, I want to encourage you to put the emphasis on the right word. WERE - not ARE. You were a victim, you were abused. But you are past that and while the healing process hurts almost as much, the worst is over. What you fear most has already happened.
Remember to breathe.