Posted by Dinah on December 6, 2008, at 12:19:29
In reply to Memories (triggers), posted by Wittgensteinz on December 5, 2008, at 16:03:36
I'm sorry that I didn't respond. I was upset and anxious last night, and I still am today really. I find it easier to address more cerebral issues than emotional ones since I'm trying to find balance. I think that sort of thing, coupled with the usual ups and down of posting volume, leads to few responses at times. It isn't personal to the poster or the post.
In my own life, I accept that I may never know the truth of anything. I have clear memories of some things with my mom (and to a lesser extent, my dad) that were indicative of poor boundaries. I am positive that she never did anything that would anywhere near approach abuse. It was just a question of poor boundaries. It did affect my view of sexuality, and to this day I have some fears about female anatomy that I am positive date back to that.
I also have some vaguer memories about severe discomfort around another less closely related family member. I've done some discreet questioning, and it would seem that there is no thought in anyone else's mind that he was ever inappropriate - at least not until he was well into senility. And I have no memory of him being inappropriate either. Just that I had an extreme reaction to him. I'm guessing it's something similar to my mother. Poor boundaries or a lack of respect for personal space.
My symptoms have always pointed to sexual abuse. There is even a documented incident of unaccounted for vaginal bleeding when I was (at best guess) three, although since I was a virgin physically as an adult, I wouldn't think it was what my mother feared. I think she even brought me to a pediatrician although I only remember her and my grandma grilling me over my day's activities and expressing an intent to examine me. My mother validates this memory. Which would come close enough I'd guess, in my young mind. I suppose some part of me will always wonder.
But I'm a firm believer that it isn't the actual events in a person's life that shapes them. It's that weird mix of their personalities, the events, and the oft-times unspoken construction we put on those events.
And kids don't really share their conclusions, do they? I just now found out that my son misinterpreted something the eye doctor said last time he was there, that had caused him considerable anxiety. I doubt that sort of thing is unusual.
poster:Dinah
thread:866883
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867012.html