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Re: I hope it went well,possible triggers,longish Dinah

Posted by rskontos on January 30, 2008, at 18:39:10

In reply to I hope it went well rskontos, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2008, at 17:52:45

Thanks Dinah for asking, I think it went well. He would say it did. We discussed how I took everything and why he thought what he did and how my pain overshadows everything. I asked a lot of questions about dissociation and the flashbacks I am having. They are getting intense especially the physical part, they are still hazy and foggy. But the physical part if rough. He tried to explain that he believe me, and his puzzled lot is not a puzzlement. And that the dissociation will get worse as I try to get closer to him, that trusting him is against anything I have ever done. But if I do get to some small measure of trust then eventually I will begin to blend some of my parts into a semi-whole and stop the dissociation so much. And I am doing it alot. Yesterday, three different times I know of. And I worked hard today to not slip away especially right before therapy as I was waiting for him, and when I went in I was in sharing mode. That is what i am calling it. I am not totally there but not gone yet. Does this make sense. I felt so threatened and in panic attack mode I was breathing fast and pacing the small waiting room and almost bolted. We ended on small talk about what I should be doing workwise. A project I have started but stopped. He was encouraging me to pick it back up. I did not leave feeling great but better than I went in. I did tell him about my more recent flashbacks, one I had as I was getting dressed, and that was part of not waiting to go to therapy. It was a rough flashback as it was a continuation of the one from last night.

I am glad you are getting work done, and had a much clearer head. It is interesting you posted, as I had last night gone back to see when you had posted last. If my computer wasn't giving me such fits, I would have posted a where were you to you.
But my computer finally would not load this website anymore and then my whole internet connection went down to the storms we had. So I didn't get to post a thread asking how you were.
We must have sent cyber thoughts...

again, thanks rsk




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