Posted by muffled on December 23, 2007, at 23:38:13
In reply to Re: and you know whats worse? ** abuse trigger ** » muffled, posted by star008 on December 23, 2007, at 22:27:24
> i know how you feel.. it is so hard..
*:-( I'm sorry you know how I feel. And I'm sorry you had such a rotten man B4 :-( I'm glad you are away from him.
>your dh sounds like a good guy. it might take time but if he knew how you felt he would at least not be totally in the dark about things.. but how can u tell him?? i know.. too ashamed too confused. too many things going on at once for you..maybe you could talk to him and leave it vague but something like you are working on things and can't handle sex right now so he still feels loved and knows it isn't his fault
*basically thats what I have blurted out to him in bits and pieces. Which is why he hasn't pushed more.
But I don't think he has ANY clue as to what I truly feel. And I don't want to tell him more cuz I don't want him to feel bad.
How would he feel if I told him "I love you, but your manness terrifys me, when you come near me I feel nautious and want to scream and run away....when you hear me make a funny noise when you are holding me, its not happy, it utter terror... AND I have no idea why...and yes, its new...and its not because of you..."? Somehow I don't think that could ever possibly make him feel good, and how can he understand?....
:-(
So mebbe I tell him just a bit more, but not too much...
I need to do something.
Its just so hard.
I never knew stuff could be like this.
I always dissociated B4.
No wonder I thot nothing was ever hard, why I thot always, this is not hard(when T would say ut was a hard session). Stuff WASN'T hard, in the moment, cuz I dissociated. It works very well. Until it falls apart....
Thanks star0008 for your support.
It helps.
I just hope I can help you somehow too.
M
poster:muffled
thread:802166
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802373.html