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Re: Wanting comfort » Daisym

Posted by Tamar on October 14, 2006, at 8:37:07

In reply to Re: Wanting comfort » Tamar, posted by Daisym on October 13, 2006, at 19:17:25

Hi Daisy,

> My life has been a huge mess for well over a year. So I work even harder at remembering where I'm supposed to be and who I'm suppose to call. But I've been avoidant and unreliable too. So I can sympathize.

Yeah, it’s tough when personal things intrude into work. And I suppose it happens to most of us at times. I think it would be easier for me to accept it if he would allow me to worry about him a little; if he could accept that it’s inevitable that I’d be concerned about him. But he seems to withdraw into wanting to keep his private life private, which is perfectly OK, but doesn’t focus on my neuroses. So if I worry about him I feel I’m being intrusive, and if I don’t worry about him I feel like a self-absorbed b*tch.

> However, my job is not as someone's therapist. By definition, a therapist must be steady, consistant, reliable and comforting. I don't mean like with hugs or hand holding necessarily. I mean by giving clients a sense that someone has their back and is looking out for them and their best interests. If a therapist is having a harder time doing that for some reason, clients should told and the therapist should own it. And together they should try to figure out how to talk about it and as Dinah suggested, how to make it part of the therapy -- or not.

I like the idea that we need to know someone has our back. That’s exactly right.

> I am typically the last person to bring this up, but geez Tamar, this guy has been hurting you for months now. At what point do you ask for someone else? People change - because he was a good fit at one point doesn't still make him a good fit. If it was anyone else - what would you say to them? Therapy is hard enough without having to beg your therapist for their attention.

I really am seriously considering quitting. I guess the idea of seeing someone else is pretty terrifying. When things are going well he understands all my religious troubles in a way that most people don’t, and he’s been really good with my inner 18 year-old. When he’s good he’s very, very good. But when he’s bad…

> I wish it wasn't so hard for you. ((((Tamar))))

Thanks Daisy. I suppose things will get better eventually. So far I’ve been able to resist the temptation to hurt myself, so I guess things are already better than they used to be.




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