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Re: (((((((((((((((((((((Tamar)))))))))))))))))))))))) » muffled

Posted by Tamar on October 14, 2006, at 8:58:34

In reply to (((((((((((((((((((((Tamar)))))))))))))))))))))))), posted by muffled on October 14, 2006, at 0:26:16

> Good to hear from you. i been wondering whats up w/you.

Good to hear from you too. I hate being absent from Babble for long periods. I miss my friends!

> I'm sorry bout your T.
> It sure sounds like he got something going on in his own life/health. This forgetting thing is odd. Very odd.

I keep hoping it’s a happy thing, like a new baby, or maybe his partner got a promotion or something. But I suspect it’s something difficult.

> I too think it would be an excellent idea to take this post of yours in.
> I think it could open up some good dialogue.....or not.

I hope so. I’m so afraid that if he knows how I’m really feeling he’ll run away very fast.

> I dunno bout your T?
> I know you were not interested in finding another at one time........?
> (((((((((((((((Tamar)))))))))))))))))))))
> Sorry its hard.

Thanks, Muffled. You’re right; I just don’t know if I could work with someone else. So the decision I’m faced with is either to work things out with him or to quit therapy altogether.

> I am doing great w/my T right now...wish you could be doing the same...

I am so pleased you are doing great with your T. You totally deserve to have it go well for you; you’ve put a lot of effort into it.

> You could ask him flat out if he gives a sh*t. I know there was another thread bout that, and I done the same w/my T. I even said that she was just being 'unconditionally accepting' cuz its her job to be.
> She tells me regular, that she cares, or that I a special person...but I dunno....

He won’t tell me that. He has made it very clear he doesn’t think it would be helpful. I may have to pee on his car…

> What could he give you???Within the boundaries????
> I dunno, I dunno what words you would beleive....cuz I myself have such a hard time w/that...

I think I want something symbolic… A photo would be nice. But it’s probably outside his boundaries. I want something that I can use to help me find the safety when I’m not with him, and something that symbolises that he cares about me. But if he can’t tell me in words that he cares about me, I guess he can’t give me something symbolic to show he cares. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t even want me to have a photo of him.

> I guess if you found a diff. T that had different boundaries, then mebbe you could get different things?
> Eg, my T would hug me if I wanted.( I don't want !!!)

That does sound very appealing. I wonder if I could ask a T straight out at the first meeting to talk about her boundaries. I’ve asked my T a couple of times about his boundaries and he claims they are flexible, but I haven’t seen anything to indicate that they’re flexible.

> I think she's a touch kindof person, I think she wants to touch me, but respects that i don't like to be touched.
> Everyonce in awhile she forgets nherself and pats my knee! Its actually kinda funny in a sad way.

Gosh! It must be kind of scary and also a nice demonstration that she cares , both at the same time.

> Sorry this is so long. I'm trying not to think of my own inner battle right now.
> Take care Tamar, you ARE a special person, beleive me ...or not.(I don't generally go around lying to people FYI)

Thanks for your kind words. It’s good to feel cared about.





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