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Re: Wanting comfort » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on October 14, 2006, at 7:58:57

In reply to Re: Wanting comfort » Tamar, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2006, at 7:56:24

> ((((Tamar))))
> I know it doesn't help much, but it sounds like something's going on in his own life. When my therapist was stressed out, he once crossed a telephone appointment with me off his calendar to go to the dentist, and didn't think of calling me to say so.

Ouch! Yeah, that’s pretty neglectful. Does that sort of thing interfere with your sense of safety?

> My therapist is worse at this when he's under stress, but he's always bad. I've eventually decided not to take it personally (after a lot of nonconfrontational discussions and a few confrontational ones). Now it's sort of an inside joke between us, and I work at usually finding it an endearing quality.

I used to find it an endearing quality when he was regularly late, and when he forgot appointments before. I think what really knocked me over was his forgetting when I wanted to talk to him about some really important stuff. I lost the sense of the safety of therapy. And I’ve been trying to get it back for four months, but every time I think things are improving he does something else that seems to indicate he doesn’t care about me and has little respect for me.

You’re right; I shouldn’t take it personally. But I do take it professionally. I think it’s really unprofessional of him to forget to look in his diary. If I were so unreliable in my job (i.e. if I regularly forgot when I was supposed to be teaching) I’d be in trouble.

Sigh. I admire your ability to make it into an inside joke. I hope I can reach that stage.




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