Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Wanting comfort

Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2006, at 6:20:33

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. I’ve been incredibly busy at work and it’s exhausting… so when I haven’t been working I’ve mostly been sleeping. Oh, and also there were several weeks where I couldn’t get online… I had to buy a new computer…

Things are really hard for me at the moment. My T keeps forgetting important stuff. It’s been going on since May, and he’s forgotten lots of things: topics we’d decided to work on, appointments, and so on. He got a new job a couple of months ago and forgot to tell me until two weeks ago (but at least he can still work with me). We talked about all this forgetting last week and said we’d talk about it some more on Wednesday this week.

So I showed up for my appointment first thing on Wednesday, and he wasn’t there. No one knew where he was. He called me a few hours later and apologised: he said he had to take a day off unexpectedly and he had it in his head that we were meeting on Thursday and hadn’t looked at his diary so didn’t realise we were supposed to meet on Wednesday. I felt physically hurt; he might as well have punched me. Actually, I’d rather he had punched me.

As things turned out, we were able to meet on Thursday. So I went to see him and I told him how hurt I’m feeling, and I asked him if he was having a hard time at the moment (which I didn’t expect him to answer, but of course I worry about him). He apologised for being unreliable and said it’s been happening in other areas of his life and work, so it’s not just me.

For some time I’ve been thinking the forgetting was a countertransferential thing. But if it’s not just me, it’s clearly something in his life. And knowing it’s not a countertransferential thing emphasises how unimportant I am to him - which I knew anyway, since he keeps forgetting about me.

I tried so hard yesterday to feel connected again. I guess everything I tried was inappropriate, because he didn’t respond to half of it and dismissed the other half. I told him I wanted him to fix it, but he says he can’t.

Most of all I want him to comfort me. I don’t think he sees comforting his patients as part of his job. I just don’t know what to ask him for. I want something from him… I want to ask him for something he can give me. I can’t think of anything I want that he can actually give me. I want a hug. I want comfort. I want him to tell me he cares about me. I can’t take any more rejection; I can’t possibly ask him for a hug or whatever. What can I ask him for that he can actually give me?

If anyone’s got any hugs available I’d be really grateful…





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poster:Tamar thread:694409