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Re: Do you believe this? » muffled

Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 5:02:12

In reply to Re: Do you believe this?, posted by muffled on October 2, 2006, at 11:18:22

> ***I think its part of our culture to hide emotions too much....

Well...
They found that people in American culture tend to be expressive.
In Japanese culture, however, there would be a brief flash of emotion and then it would be masked. The brief flash was enough to reliably signal to others what emotion the person was experiencing. It is typically thought that American culture is one of the most expressive cultures...

There is stuff on game theory, though. About barganing ability and the like. Being able to conceal fear and the like so as to be a more effective bargainer. I wish I had more emotional control. I wish. I wish. I feel like... I wear my heart on my sleeve much of the time. I hate that. I feel... Naked. How much better to feel numb.

> ***And did you guys talk about that? About the fact you felt she looked surprized?

No. Surprise... Aversion... Slight... Fear? Concern? Concern that it would happen again. She changed the topic. I really don't think... That she thinks it is a good thing when I express emotion. I try and... Be calm. A little numb. Calm. To talk calmly. To express upset with a tear or two but that is all. To not startle. I hate me :-(

> I think you CAN be very intense. Sometimes our greatest gifts are our hardest challenges. I think your intensity is a gift, you just goto get a handle on it, cuz its a powerful gift. You could do lots of good things with your intensity...

(((Muffled)))
I don't think so. I think that is how I'm damaged.
And it is there... For all to see. Not hard to figure me out.
My supervisor said something about 'and you don't exactly treat your body as a temple'. I ignored him. But he is right. And it isn't exactly confidential information, I suppose. Munted fingernails... Anxious habits... Scars... F*cked up legs... And wearing my emotions on my sleeve :-( I hate being embodied :-(

> I wonder if you are very adroitly sidestepping and redirecting conversation when it gets too close to where you don't want to go..... I dunno.

I'm scared muffled. Scared. Numb. Scared. Numb. Numb. Numb. I don't feel anything. I DON'T. I don't know what to do... I can't think sometimes. Can't think. I hate feeling like that. In therapy sometimes. Can't understand. Can't follow. Can't... I don't know.

> ***But Alex you ARE kind. Its like I always trust that you are genuine in your caring, that no matter how involved in a debate etc you get, you will always come down to baseline and be very careful to apologise and make sure you have hurt noone. I have seen this again and again. I think feisty is GOOD. You are feisty AND very caring.

((((((((((muffled)))))))))))
Sometimes I'm not kind muffled :-( Sometimes I'm not. But I feel really privaledged that you trust me. I hope I never hurt you muffled.

 

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