Posted by Lindenblüte on September 30, 2006, at 22:01:46
In reply to Re: way back last Friday » ElaineM, posted by TherapyGirl on September 30, 2006, at 19:58:08
Hey El,
I've been reading a very interesting book. It's making a LOT of sense to me. "Trauma and Recovery"Here's an excerpt that really resonated with me (p. 105)
"This malignant sense of inner badness is often camoflaged by the abused child's persistant attempts to be good. In the effort to placate her abusers, the child victim often becomes a superb performer. She attempts to do whatever is required of her. She may become an empathetic caretaker for her parents, an efficient housekeeper, an academic achiever, a model of social conformity. She brings to all these tasks a perfectionist zeal, driven by the desperate need to find favor in her parent's eyes. [...as an adult...] None of her achievements in the world redound to her credit, however, for she usually perceives her performing self as inauthentic and false. Rather, the appreciation of others simply confirms her conviction that no one can truly now her and that, if her secret and true self were recognized, she would be shunned and reviled."I was thinking of you in some of the sections where the author is talking about the role of the therapist in the recovery process-- especially regarding complicated counter-transference reactions that happen when even the best T's treat patients with a history of trauma.
p. 142
"As a defense against the unbearable feeling of helplessness, the therapist may try to assume the role of a rescuer. The therapist may take on more and more of an advocacy role for the patient. By so doing, she implies that the patient is not capable of acting for herself. The more the therapist accepts the idea that the patient is helpless, the more she perpetuates the traumatic transference and disempowers the patient. [...] Carried to its logical extreme, the therapist's defense against feelings of helplessness leads to a stance of grandiose specialness or omnipotence. Unless this tendency is analyzed and controlled, the potential for corrupting the therapy relationship is great. All sorts of extreme boundary violations, up to and including sexual intimacy, are frequently rationalized on the basis of the patent's desperate need for rescue and the therapist's extraordinary gifts as a rescuer.Hmm...
As a client, you should ask your T if he has anybody who is serving as a consult or a supervisor for his clinical work. That you are having a hard time understanding the clinical boundaries, and that it's making it hard for you to be open with him. That you'd like a review of what the contract is. What is expected of you: that you'll pay, that you'll be completely 100% open 100& honest. And of him: that he'll honor the session's time restrictions, that he'll be accepting and non-judgmental, that he'll be explicit about what his availability is outside of session time.
Elaine, you are very very good to write this stuff. It will help you organize it in your head. No wonder your head is spinning. This is WAY too much baggage. If you have to help him, then transferance becomes counter-transferrance and vice-versa. Only, you're not TRAINED to handle these intense feelings! No wonder this is so difficult. Time to find a new therapist. You CAN do this on your own. You have a free-will, and you are a strong, independent woman. Even if your teeth are kinda fragile, you have bunches of strength in your reserve (I could have NEVER held onto so much mental garbage for a whole week. Seriously. That's mucho impressive) I would have spewed it all over babble as soon as I got home!
best to you, Elaine,
Lemme know how your new T goes!-Li
p.s. I'm liking my newT a lot. She doesn't give me those cues that I get from most people when I'm going into dangerous territory- you know? The slight pause, and break in attention? The eyebrow raise? The break in eye-contact. She's with me. Very neutral, calm, but warm expression. She's southern too. I like that voice. It's like... I think it's going to be okay. I think she "gets" it, and she's sending me signals like she's ready to handle whatever comes next. She also told me that it's okay to take my time. That we can just let this stuff unfold. No rush. No panic. I like that. The nicest thing about going to visit my hometown is the pace of life. Everything is slower. Less urgent.
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:687876
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/690673.html