Posted by ElaineM on October 4, 2006, at 22:00:05
In reply to Re: way back last Friday, posted by caraher on October 4, 2006, at 9:48:49
(((caraher))) Today was the day I was supposed to start my writing course. I went to T first and talked to him about wanting to email Scott. He thought it was an okay idea. He said Scott ruined me for being part of new relationships (though there has been WAY more significant things that have ruined me that way). But he said I deserve an apology from Scott. I'm not sure -- I don't think that's what I was thinking. (but I'll leave that for the Social board).
Then he gave me a present (which I love), but it made me start to feel really bad about going to the group after. I couldn't contain myself (and I felt like he knew anyways) so I told him about what I had signed up for, but that I'd changed my mind -- which I usually always do. The anxiety always gets overwhelming and I back out of everything. And my pain was pretty bad this morning (though I'm getting used to standing upright again, and the pressure that results).
But as I was on the way home I got to the point where I'd have to go completely the opposite way from the group and I was feeling so upset with myself and so down for being so close and not trying it even one day. So I went. I didn't want to waste a "better than crap" health day.
It was soooo scary. Everyone was nice. It was really small though -- it may be too intimate for me. I don't know if I can continue, but I'm really glad (and proud) that I went at least this once. (something else happened there, but I'm still thinking it through)
But I wanted to tell you something good. That's a scary thing TWO days in a row!
poster:ElaineM
thread:687876
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691940.html