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Re: I Need some help, but be gentle... » daisym

Posted by Dinah on September 25, 2006, at 22:00:04

In reply to I Need some help, but be gentle..., posted by daisym on September 25, 2006, at 20:15:07

It sounds not unlike what happened to me and my therapist, although not exactly because it seems like your therapist is holding things together better than mine did.

All I can say is that things did get better, when his life settled down. It used to feel like he just wasn't there, and I was absolutely frantic. We tried everything, because we worked on it together. But nothing really helped until his life got back together again.

He told me all along to just be patient, that he'd be there again fully, as soon as he could be. And he was. He's more or less the same now as he ever was. He's fully present, and I'm no longer frantic.

I can't say things are the same, because there's a new element in our relationship. The knowledge that it did happen once, and it could happen again, and it's really not in my control. That's never going to go away, although I try not to focus on it.

But it did get better. He did get more available, and he is fully present with me now.

I know it's not the best of worlds. But it's not the worst of worlds either.

Maybe it's just a bit of reality intruding on the magic bond. Maybe it's not unlike what attachment to others is like. Even the best parents have occasional ruptures in their attachments with their children. But they can be repaired. And in good relationships, they are. I think you have a good relationship with your therapist.

I know it won't stop the frantic feeling. Nothing but a repair of the attachment can quite do that, at least in my experience. But if you keep in mind that both of you are working on this, and are committed to this, then maybe you can soothe yourself a bit with the reminder that things will eventually get back to normal, just as soon as your therapist can manage it.

Do you have any idea what the personal matter is?

 

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