Posted by Fallsfall on October 1, 2006, at 8:44:32
In reply to I Need some help, but be gentle..., posted by daisym on September 25, 2006, at 20:15:07
>stuff I had no intention of telling him
Hmmmmmmm. Daisy...... You aren't supposed to have "stuff" that you intend not to tell him.....
(((((Daisy)))))
I know this hurts so much for you. I liked the idea that someone said that he DOESN"T lie to you. You can trust that he is telling you the truth now. That he isn't trying to push you away. That he won't terminate you.
You worry that you will be too much for him. That you will hurt him. Yes. you can hurt him - because he cares about you. And with caring comes the possiblity of being hurt. But he has entered into this relationship very willingly (just as you have). And he is skilled at taking care of himself. He will protect himself. And he does. I don't think that you can hurt him in the way that you think. I don't think you can be "too much" for him. What you are sensing IS him protecting himself. He is carving out enough of himself to take care of his personal issue. But that doesn't mean that there isn't ALSO enough of himself to take care of you. It's all a question of priorities. We all have a finite amount of energy, and we choose where to put that energy. When there is a lot going on, then the lowest priority stuff might get shorted, but even the middle priority stuff gets what it needs. He will adjust his priorities as needed. But, clearly, you aren't a low priority for him. You know that. And you won't make his whole system topple. He will keep his system stable.
He is asking you to sometimes accept a response that is a little later than you would expect. He is NOT saying that there won't be a response. This learning to be patient is SO hard, but it is really useful.
I've had to adjust my priorities recently. (My dad will be moving to rehab as soon as a bed is free. He is slowly doing better.) And some things that I used to do (like reading this board) had to be put on hold. But I read it today (mostly because I wanted to see how you were doing and you haven't emailed me). So life may be different for a little while - but it is just a variation of what it was - it isn't a complete difference. I smile thinking of you not seeing the grey - that's MY trick!
He's there for you. And he'll protect himself - you don't have to protect him. In therapy, that is his job. And you don't have to protect ME so much, either, you know.
Love,
Falls.
poster:Fallsfall
thread:689207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/690769.html