Posted by Daisym on September 21, 2006, at 1:41:25
In reply to Re: Blame, posted by Lindenblüte on September 20, 2006, at 21:18:15
Anger & Hurt: these are more productive emotions than shame or guilt or blame. We do not have to sacrifice the good parts of our selves in order to feel angry or hurt. But in order to feel shame or to blame someone- we must necessarily admit that their action has changed us for the worse. I'm not sure that that admission is necessart or desirable.
****But then, to follow your line of thinking, aren't we sacrificing the truth? His action did change me for the worse. And yes, I'm mad as he!! about that. But I'm also deeply ashamed of these secrets - for my part in them and for him too. I'm holding all the emotions for both of us. (Talk about introjection!)So if no one is to blame, how do I organize my thoughts around it? My father sexually abused me - a whole range of abuse -- and he was violent at times and scary -- since I was 5 until I was 12. Then he left me and I didn't see or hear from him for years. If he isn't to "blame" what do I say -- he had his reasons? Or he couldn't help it? How do I describe his behavior?
poster:Daisym
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/687828.html