Posted by Daisym on September 17, 2006, at 18:37:59
In reply to Re: I told my husband **child abuse trigger** » alexandra_k, posted by llrrrpp on September 17, 2006, at 14:38:21
I wish I could find my post on "therapy is NOT an after school special." I get so frustrated when things are portrayed as "Tell - cry - forgive - all better." Yeah - we wish.
But I think telling is an important part of the process for some of us. It is partly reclaiming your right to say "no" and partly a shuffling of lenses that we look at our history with. For example, telling about the abuse for me has felt (and feels) like a huge betrayal of my dad and my family. After all - weren't there times when my dad was nice? I know he loved me -- he bought me stuff and made me feel special. I literally thought of my dad as two people - good dad and bad dad. Last week it dawned on me that the gifts and special treatment were partially ways to keep me quiet and to keep me tied to him. I was devasted and very, very angry at my therapist. "I hate therapy - I lose more and more of the good dad everytime we talk about something." And yet, whose truth is it? Mine - obviously. And he didn't reframe anything I said -- I did it myself. But I think my brain has had enough of the conflict and I'm beginning to think that I didn't deserve the abuse, and in order to fully believe that, I need to view my guilt with a different lense.
Does that make any sense? I'm not going back to being a victim, I'm actually using the truth to lay the blame on the correct doorstep.
But, wow, is it painful. I'm glad I have someone to help me and declare "enough for now." I'm glad you have someone to help you too.
poster:Daisym
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686877.html