Posted by Gabbix2 on December 10, 2005, at 22:55:25
In reply to Re: Will my words diminish dreams ,spirits of another? » allisonross, posted by one woman cine on December 10, 2005, at 21:13:35
> "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", to me is a phrase oft told to me by my parents to make sure I was obedient, well-behaved, and always agreeable. Perfect, except it was making me submit to things that were harmful to me as a person. It took away the power of my voice & in my opinion, to all children.
This really hit home with me.
The phrase if you can't say "anything nice"
is meaningless to me.
What's nice? Nice is subjective.
Women still wouldn't have the vote if we'd been NICE
Kindness, and goodness come in many forms.
I've learned other viewpoints, and ways of thinking that are precious because someone took the time to offer me an alternate way of looking at things, rather than just nodding their head and saying nothing.
To me that is a true kindness.I would much rather know clearly how someone feels if they are bothered by something I've said rather than have to read between the lines, of their response or sense that something is "off"
Two of my favourite babblers are people I had strong disagreement with. We talked it through, rather than submitting to a tepid congeniality in order to be 'nice'
And now I have two very close e-friends because of that exchange.I too have been abused, badly, as a child, and for a long time.
I don't see the connection between that, and people not being permitted to say how something I say makes them feel - that I can't hear it because it's too painful for me to be criticized as I've been abused. To me that's a method of gaining control, I would also feel as if I was maintaining my position as a victim.
That's not who I am, the person I am is the person I have become because of this.
The world is not going to stop for me if I announce my past. If I say that I have a need to express myself because of it, than I would not dare assume that the same need is not for everyone, That would infer that they themselves couldn't know pain, like mine.Everyone has a story, most of us have a story that would break your heart, and sometimes those most quiet are the ones in excruciating pain.
****So, just like you have to express yourself, I also must do this.That says it all really, I don't even know why I bothered with the rest.
poster:Gabbix2
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/587939.html