Posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2005, at 18:15:43
In reply to OK, here's my problem..., posted by Tamar on December 10, 2005, at 17:36:45
Tamar,
I certainly agree with you. Patients SHOULD tell their therapists how they are feeling. Absolutely.
And yes, if the boundaries slip, it *IS* the therapist's fault, not the patient's. And no, the patient never "asks for it".
But now that we are in agreement, where does that leave an individual patient? I would love to say that all therapists are trustworthy (and I do believe that almost all of them are). I would love to say that therapists will never take advantage of the trust that patients put in them. But I know that this isn't true all of the time. So how do we protect ourselves while being completely vulnerable and honest? This is the dilemma.
Ally's therapist has said that they can have whatever feelings they have, and that it is safe as long as they don't act on them. It is the therapist's job to make sure that neither acts on those feelings. But it *IS* the patient's job to watch out for herself, as well.
I guess that what I hope that Babble can do is to give patients enough perspective to be able to observe what is going on in therapy and know what the warning signs are. And to give them encouragement to protect themselves if the therapist is *NOT* doing his job - i.e. if the therapist starts acting instead of talking. But, that said, they can hurt us without touching us, can't they?
Please understand that I tell my therapist everything (well, even for me that isn't true). This is very complicated. I guess that I think that each of us need to be our own last defense. And the trick of therapy is to push that and trust a little more and narrow that last defense to the minimum that it can be. But I don't think you can ever let that last defense go. Some people have mile wide defenses, some have inch wide defenses. I guess it is important to figure out where you are on that spectrum, and try to narrow your defenses a little more.
So, Tamar, you bring up such an interesting point. How CAN we protect ourselves from unscrupulous therapists, and still be honest in therapy? I don't know the answer.
poster:fallsfall
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/587871.html