Posted by allisonross on December 10, 2005, at 21:10:12
In reply to OK, here's my problem..., posted by Tamar on December 10, 2005, at 17:36:45
> And I doubt I’ll pursue this much farther…
LOL, I am ALREADY worn out!
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> Falls, I’m picking up what you said only because it’s the latest of several posts saying similar things…
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> > There are others who are not as lucky, however, and I worry that they might read your posts and think that it is OK to be equally forward with their therapists.Everyone is different and every t and client relationship is different. I would hope that people here in therapy are adult enough to not do or say what works for me.
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> See, what I worry is that people will read these threads and think that it *isn’t* OK to tell their therapists how they really feel.I agree. As I said before, I NEED to be authentic, and my t says he LOVES that, and my bringing up the "hard" stuff (my feelings for him).It was an excruciating decision to tell him of my feelings
But as I told him; I would have felt sneaky or like I was hiding something if I did not. Told him there was an "elephant in the living room." It is always there, whether we speak of it, or not. He handled my feelings delicately and sensitively; always does.
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> > For some of them it WILL be OK, but not for all.
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> If you mean that some therapists will take advantage of some patients, I do not believe FOR ONE MOMENT that it happens as a result of a patient confessing to loving feelings, or any kind of flirtation. Abusive therapists MUST be held fully responsible for their behaviour. Any suggestion that a patient’s confession of love or attraction might lead to danger seems (to me) to be perilously close to saying she asked for it.Right. We are all responsible for our own actions. It doesn't matter what anyone says or does; our reaction(s) are our own responsibility.
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> > I wonder if some of the other posters would feel more comfortable if you were more vocal about how this is what you need in your therapy, but that you recognize that this kind of behavior could be dangerous for other people who are in other situations.
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> If patients are in danger, it is NOT because they tell their therapists they love them, or behave in a flirtatious manner, or even make direct sexual approaches. It is because their therapists are abusing their trust.Exactly.
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> I’m sorry to rant; I feel very strongly that the full responsibility for dangerous situations must rest with the therapist.It is ALWAYS (the behavior) the thrapist's responsibility. They are supposed ot be in control. As clients (we)...as I told my t---can say, or behave any way we want to.
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> Aside from all that, I don’t seem to recall a single person asking Ally *why* she enjoys joking sexually about her therapist, or whether she believes it is helpful to flirt in therapy.Thankyou, sweetie!
The answer is simple: With my therapist (and in life) I enjoy teasing and joking; am a free spirit in a buttoned down, locked down world, I know. My teasing is always subtle and gentle--never crude or offensive.I’ve heard many people say they feel uncomfortable reading it, and that’s fine; everyone has their own comfort zones. But I’m surprised that people haven’t expressed more interest in Ally’s point of view...
((Tamar))))thanks, again; validation at last!
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> I could be wrong, and maybe I missed something. I haven’t read every single post on the board.
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> I really hope I haven’t offended anyone. I certainly haven’t intended to. I’m going to run away and hide now, but I will come back to apologise if necessary.Oh, don't hide, dear Tamar; you are a sweetie, and valued (by everyone) I am sure. MOST certainly---by ME!
Hugs, Ally
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> Tamar
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poster:allisonross
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/587907.html