Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2005, at 15:29:44
In reply to Re: long post but it explains what I feel » Tamar, posted by happyflower on July 3, 2005, at 14:21:43
Good grief. Of course you're angry with him.
It wasn't too kind of him to implant the idea that your husband was lying about something so important.
He not only suggested that he might lie, and you'd never know, but he tied it into the idea that your husband might cheat on you, and you'd never know. And how can you be so sure he didn't.
Geesh.
I'd be angry too. It seems very undermining of your attempts to keep a good relationship with your husband.
You've known your husband for years now. If you think he's telling you the truth, most likely he is. It sounds as if he's been very truthful about how he feels. Almost painfully truthful. But at least that gives you a chance to work together to solve the problem.
You'd think your therapist could concentrate on how to improve matters between you and your husband rather than on giving you the idea that things could be even worse than you thought.
Sometimes things enter a therapist's mind that really should stop before they issue from his lips. But sometimes they also screw up and blurt things out.
I can understand your anger better now. The whole thing probably connected him with your husband, and your husband with him, in highly disconcerting ways.
If he cheated on his wife, she wouldn't be able to tell. If your husband cheated on you, you wouldn't be able to tell. It calls into question your ideas about him as a moral human being, your ideas about yourself and your ability to determine reality, about your marriage and your husband's truthfulness.
I think it was a mistake. I don't think it was an unforgiveable mistake. But I do think it was a mistake.
I think I'd point out that I'd prefer the focus be on helping improve your marriage, not on making the marriage appear shakier than it in reality is.
But I do think you can work through this.
poster:Dinah
thread:522069
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/522985.html