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Re: thank you all pinkeye

Posted by shrinking violet on April 5, 2005, at 20:04:25

In reply to Re: thank you all shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on April 5, 2005, at 19:39:28

>> But I do think your therapist is incompetent. While she might want to do what is good for you, she ends up hurting you, and that is what I meant when I said your therapist is not a great one.

--True, she does hurt me a lot. So much so now that I'm afraid to see her or read any of her emails. At the same time, my gut reaction is to take the blame for it, for the way I react to her, for the way I cause her to react to me. I so wish I could have done better for her. She is a good T....with the clients she is used to. I think I was out of the scope of her experience.

>> It wasn't bad of her to give your cat a toy.. but she could have had a little bit of wisdom and foresight to see what it would cause you to believe about her - that she is a personal friend, that she cares very much for you, that she will be there for you. And she should have known when she extends herself beyond the limits to be there for a patient like that, it is normal on the patients part to have even more expectations on her.. and that she should be willing to see it all the way through - till the point you are recovered completely. If she was not willing or capable off to go all the way through and is going to drop off in the middle, then trying to extend herself and then pulling back is only going to hurt you. In other words, don't make a promise (explicitly or not) which you cannot keep. By giving your cat a toy, I think she made a huge huge promise to you that she will be there for you, and she is not keeping it now.

--I see what you're saying. I knew she wouldn't always be there for me as a T, because given she is a Uni T, I could only see her until I graduated. So we both knew there would be an ending. In fact, I got a lot more time with her than the school even usually allows, so she hung in there with me when she didn't have to. I think, if there was one major "fault" it was that she never really had any boundaries with me. For some reason, she let me pretty much get away with whatever I wanted from her. And she'd give extra on her own as well. It was confusing, that's true, because I never really knew where I stood with her. Our relationship was never a completely professional one (given the things she would say and do), nor was it in any way really personal. I guess I was hoping, in the end, that she would care about me so much that she wouldn't be able to let me go. But of course that didn't happen. And of course I care for her very deeply, so in a way it's a rejection as well as a double loss. I also think she got some things from me as T is sensitive, vulnerable and somewhat needy. I think I gave her some of what she needed, as she did me. She has let her issues come into play very often, whether or not she was aware of that I don't know. Obviously this is all very complicated, and I could go on and on and on analyzing us and her and the therapy, but what happened has happened and I need to figure out a way to accept this loss.

Again,thank you. I do agree with you, I hope it doesn't sound like I am "arguing." I guess, too, I feel guilty for causing any negative opinions about my T, b/c you all only have my side and perceptions of things, and none of you have met her (ok, my sis has met her and she says similar things as you.....). It's a dichotomy, a fight between my heart and mind tells me she screwed up big time and now I'm suffering for it, but my heart knows she tried and knows she did care on some level, and it loves her for it.

Thank you.





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