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Re: Trying doesn't count, I guess... daisym

Posted by shrinking violet on April 5, 2005, at 19:44:31

In reply to Re: Trying doesn't count, I guess..., posted by daisym on April 5, 2005, at 12:16:31


Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this, especially when you've had a hard time yourself lately. I hope you are feeling better.

>> I encourage you to keep your appointment on the 12th. You are hurting, it all feels like rejection, even if it was inevitable and you knew the timelines. It still hurts. .....I think you will regret it if you just leave a note, with no feedback.

--I know, you're probably right. Thank you for that example, too, by the way. I know I would look back and regret it if I reacted irrationally now, just because I feel hurt or thrown aside. One thing I've learned from my T is that my initial reaction is always often out of anger/hurt, and if I wait it out, usually things become a bit more clear and I can figure out how to react to a given situation without letting my anger or pride get in the way. This was one of those times, and as I thought about it, and read your response and the others here, I know for ME I need to see her once or twice more and tell her a few things, and try to salvage this in some way.

>>Write down how you are feeling. Write down that you think she never cared. Write down that you will miss her and have a lot of work still to do. Because if she responds the way I think she will, you will know that she is shutting down because she will miss you too. And knowing this will validate any of the good things that you've been able to do.

--I will, thank you. Mainly I want to tell her how deeply sorry I am for everything. I won't be able to just tell her everything I would want to say while I'm sitting there with her, but I want to at least apologize for making this experience such a nightmare for her. I'll also write down some other general thoughts and hope she agrees to one more session after next week's, so I can focus on what to finally say to her, and give her a little token. As for her shutting down because she is hurting too....That's a nice theory, and I wish it were true, but I don't think it is. I mean, she had no trouble showing me her frustration, or even her nurturing, so why wouldn't she want to show me how much she is hurting over this loss too? Especially since knowing she is hurting too would help me a heck of a lot more than acting like it isn't bothering her? I don't think it does bother her, not that much....She's used to losing clients, after all, and after he hell I've put her through she probably can't wait to see me go.

>> She wouldn't have explained her schedule to you if she didn't feel badly about not being able to see you. She would just have said she couldn't. It sounded to me like she really regrets not being able to fit you in this week. And she did offer another session, so she recognizes you might need more time.

--Well, quickly....When I saw her last week, she mentioned the conference but said it was NEXT Friday, not this one. So,either she made a mistake then or she is lying to me now so it looks like she has an excuse not to see me. She's done it before, I've caught her in a lot of little lies like that, so it wouldn't surprise me. So that's why I feel badly, b/c I feel like she has the time (I mean, it's a lousy hour) but doesn't want to "bend" for me anymore. Also, as for her agreeing to the one more session: we never agreed formally that next Tue would be our last session. In fact, she said I could see her through April and we could end in May. Now, all of a sudden, she thought next week was our last session and she may be willing to give me another (her tune changed after I went there the past couple of sessions and did nothing but glare at her). So, I feel like she can't wait to shut and lock the door behind me.

>> I hear so much pain in your post. I wish I could take it away. Losing someone hurts so bad.
> Hugs from me.

--Yeah, it does. :-( Thank you.

Take care.




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