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Trying doesn't count, I guess...

Posted by shrinking violet on April 5, 2005, at 11:47:32

In reply to Don't hate yourself shrinking violet, posted by Poet on April 4, 2005, at 18:23:22

Sent to T by SV on Monday, April 4:

"Greetings [T],

I apologize, especially for bothering you on the first day of your work week, but I wanted to clarify if our next scheduled session is to be our last, or...? Also, would it be possible for you to see me this week, maybe Thurs or Fri afternoon?

I ask because I've been doing quite a lot of thinking the past few days, and I would like to share with you some thoughts and ideas which I would like to bring to next session, with your permission. However if we're closing things out in the next session or two then there's probably no point in bringing any of this up, so I thought I would double-check. Also, I know I've squandered my time with you lately, and I don't expect you to make me a priority right now, so I understand if you're unable to see me earlier than our next scheduled time.

Thank you for considering my request(s), and thank you for your patience and tolerance?, especially of my intrusive communications (this will be the last of those, unless otherwise specifically requested).

Have a good week....?

T's response today, April 5:

"Hi [SV],

I am responding to your e-mail sent yesterday. I had assumed our last appointment was to be on tuesday the 12th of April., but could see you one session beyond if you thought you where willing to help us with the termination phase of our work together. We could negotiate that appointment on the 12th. Lori , I am sorry I do not have any time in my schedule to see you this week, my week, as you know, is shortened by working full time in a four days and as well, have a conference that has come up on my schedule on Friday...taking me off one additional day this week. I hope you understand.

I will see you on April 12th and look forward to helping you with your needs,


I give up, I really do. There's no point in doing any of the things I was going to bring up if we only have one or two sessions together anyway. I feel like every time I TRY, she knocks it down. And she hasn't tried much, at least not in the ways she should have. I dont want to take all the blame for this....I know I do have some responsibility to how this went with her, but....It IS her too, right? I can't believe it's going to end like this with her....But right now I'm so angry and dejected and hurt. I dont want to write her a mushy goodbye letter, or give her a gift, b/c I dont think I'd mean any of it right now. She shut right down, like I knew she would, toward the end. Especially after I sent her that longish email a couple of weeks ago, spilling my guts out. I shouldnt have done that.

I dont think I'm going to see her next week. I need to just break from her now. There's no point in going there one last time....for what? I think I'm going to write her a final short letter, telling her I'm not coming next week, that I am assuming our work together has come to an end, that any further communications from the center I would like to come from someone else, and the only thing I want to know is what happens to my chart and files, etc. And I'm going to leave it in her mailbox on Monday (she doesnt work mondays so she wont be there) and consider this closed with her.

But will that look like I'm stomping away in a fit, because I didn't get what I wanted? I don't want it to look that way either.....If anyone has any other interpretations of her email that might help me out, I'd appreciate it. I tend to read her notes as more harshly than she may have meant them, so maybe that's what I'm doing now? I don't know....

I can't keep doing this to myself over someone who never gave a darn to begin with.





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