Posted by Aphrodite on June 20, 2004, at 10:02:22
You know, you just can't please me.
The once a week schedule just didn't make a dent -- I would open up, leave, become a mess, and pull myself together in time for the next week to start the cycle all over again. After my emotional meltdown, we've increased contact, and the part of the cycle that is missing is the "pulling myself back together" part. I feel like I am walking around wounded, and it's starting to show at work (they can't believe what they're seeing -- I'm always in control) and with my family. In fact, I'm sitting out on the Father's Day get together today for my father-in-law because I am too raw, and it just reminds me of my father's death and all of the unresolved issues there.
I submerge myself in the suicidal ideation more, and I am feeling weak and tired. To overcome the feelings of wanting to die, I usually stay active and busy and distracted, but I don't have the energy anymore. I've isolated myself as much as possible because I cannot carry on the facade that gets me through my days.
This is a low point for me. I have therapy tomorrow -- I won't complain since I asked for this. But yuck -- is there really any hope?
poster:Aphrodite
thread:358286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358286.html