Posted by tabitha on June 17, 2004, at 12:13:59
In reply to Re: Rock vs Hard Place » tabitha, posted by Aphrodite on June 17, 2004, at 2:28:57
> That said, I am wondering if things were better in pre-group days. Can you stop doing group and just have individual sessions with her? If you did that and things did not improve, I think your instincts may be right that it would be time to move on. I know that would be so hard, but I hate picturing you with puffy eyes over all of this.
Yes, it was much better before group. Then I got lots of validation and that lovely empathic listening. When I talked about other relationships I always felt she was on my side. We've talked about this, and I asked her why she validated my feelings then but no longer. She said now she can see it with her own eyes so she can't validate my perceptions, because she sees it differently. She says I'm distorting and filtering. That just makes me think that in the past, if she had seen those situations, she would not have been validating then either. I can't imagine she would ever go back to listening supportively. Now she's seen how I interact with others and thinks my perceptions are wrong. I can't imagine that wouldn't color future sessions, even if I do quit group.
>
> I'm sorry your friend responded the way he did. Painful though it was, it was probably the only way he knows how to help. I know I often want to jump in and fix everything for those around me when all they really wanted was some validation and caring.
>I don't mind the advice so much, if it makes him feel useful. The thing that happens is he actually gets disappointed with me when I don't act on his advice. And his advice is always to do such huge things. I've tried different ways to break this pattern with him, and there was a little improvement for a time, but I just got sick of the effort.
> And right now, I wish I could fix everything for you, too. Poet once gave my therapist 2 cyberbonks on the head when he was being difficult, and it worked. Consider your therapist cyberbonked. I hope it tunes her in to your needs.
>Thanks. I wonder if she felt it?
poster:tabitha
thread:357301
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357545.html