Posted by Susan J on June 18, 2004, at 14:08:42
In reply to Re: Hey Tab » Susan J, posted by tabitha on June 18, 2004, at 13:45:48
> I guess I'm supposed to be more thick-skinned.
<<NO! Larry's much better at this thing than I am. But you are who you are. You are sensitive, to whatever degree, and that's just fine. I think different degrees of sensitivity require different coping skills, and I'm getting the feeling your therapist isn't sensitive to the same degree you are. They are human, too, and I really believe they see their therapy sessions through their own experiences, at least to some degree. Who knows? Maybe your T has never been able to express anger and jealously toward someone and so she was highly encouraging the other woman to do just that....>>that venting negative feelings removes barriers to intimacy,
<<In theory, I agree. There's got to be a proper *how* to this, doesn't there? You shouldn't be made to hurt so much for that other woman's growth. You shouldn't even be made to hurt so much to develop your own relationship skills, I don't think. All they talk about on talk shows these days is how to argue effectively, without degrading the other person or the person's views. There's got to be some rules for a group therapy relationship too... !!!>Then hearing her true feelings, they're even worse than I imagined, and I can't help thinking my therapist must have known about her feelings from their sessions. So *why* did she talk me into trusting her?
<<Hmmmm, have you had trouble in the past distorting other people's opinion/feelings about you? Because I do truly believe in a gut reaction to people, whether they like you or not. It's kind of the modern day equivalent to whether they are dangerous and are going to hurt you or not. In this instance, no matter what your T was saying, your gut ended up being right. I think you have every right to be angry with what your T did. I think *she* misjudged the situation.Also, being a group therapist sounds a little iffy to me. It's like being a lawyer. We are not supposed to defend more than one defendant in a criminal case, unless there are extenuating circumstances, because a lawyer cannot adequately represent both clients' interests. Can your group T adequately represent and protect and foster *your* interests as well as the others in the group? Aren't those interests ever in conflict? Seems they *have* to be at some point.
>> She's extraverted and has conservative values, maybe there are more kindred spirits, I don't know.
<<This is probably too simplistic of me, because I really don't know much about psychology. But I've had a few therapists in my life, and the one who was most like me was the one I benefitted from the best. We did see things similarly, and therefore she was able to help me see things more clearly. I guess we were alike enough that I trusted her when she pointed out my distorted thinking on certain topics.
>>I used to really blame myself and feel ashamed, and I had worked and struggled and nearly gotten to a point of not being ashamed, and now I'm doubting myself all over again.
<<What are you ashamed of? I don't think you've done anything wrong at all. ((((Tab))))>>I'm ready to do the sham relationships, just hang onto the unsatisfying ones so I'm not in the shameful position of having no-one, but I've already been there and done that, and had decided alone was preferable, and I swear my therapist approved of that, and now I'm getting flak for the results. It's maddening.
<<Perhaps some *casual* relationships might be good for a while. Casual sounds so much better than sham. :-) You could think of them as activities just to get you out there to meet other folks who might be much more like you. I know *exactly* how you feel. I went through the same thing. I had a variety of *friends* who I could go do stuff with, but they were so different, sometimes hanging out would just make me feel like my skin was crawling and I was glad glad glad to go home alone. And by shear luck, I think, I met a woman who was much more similar to me in interests and outlook on life. One in maybe 20 people I knew and occasionally hung out with. Through her, over the past several years, I've made some closer friends who I enjoy hanging out with, who don't drain me of my energy. Of course, they are *all* out of town this weekend and I have nothing to do. :-)Maybe just truly acknowledging these are casual friendships will lower your expectations of what you want from these types of friendships and they won't be so frustrating. It has the added benefit of making your time alone more valuable, you know?
Too bad you don't live around me....I think you'd be great fun to hang out with. :-)
poster:Susan J
thread:357301
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357868.html