Posted by Dinah on April 27, 2004, at 10:45:11
In reply to To call or Not to Call: Always a question!, posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 1:08:47
I was reading a book on Sunday about stages in life. The childish phase where you want, want, want. The adolescent phase where you want to do everything yourself. The "mature" phase where you want to do things for others.
And I thought, and think, that that is an oversimplification. Everyone is different, and everyone has different defense structures. Different strengths. Different weaknesses.
Therapy is designed to help us maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses. And to get us to try out new ways of being.
So if someone's natural way of protecting themselves in this scary world is to cling and be dependent or to need instant gratification, a sign of maturity would be to be more independent and be able to delay gratification.
But if someone's natural way of protecting themselves is to not need anyone, it's a sign of maturity in them to allow themselves to need. Or if someone's way of protecting themselves is to help others, it's a sign of maturity in them to be able to say no sometimes, or to let others help them.
I think the courage comes in therapy from doing something different from the way we normally do it. And maturity comes from moving from the extremes of any position to somewhere in the middle. And sometimes that means moving to the opposite extreme first before moving back to the middle.
So whatever's most frightening for you to do, give it a shot. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:340454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/340553.html