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Re: Validation » Crooked Heart

Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 18:08:55

In reply to Re: Validation » Dinah, posted by Crooked Heart on February 13, 2004, at 14:44:02

> >
> > And somehow I think I didn't ask the questions that I really had in mind, because I don't know what they were.
>
> I might be getting this wrong, but is it like 'if I could only find the right question and get the right answer then things will be OK?' (Or if I can read the right book, get the right dx...?)

LOL. You have me pegged there! That sounds so much like me. :) But getting the right answers, reading the right books, and finding the right diagnosis *does* help. Even if it doesn't make it all better. Because it's the not understanding that makes things so scary for me.

But in this case it might have been as much frustration at my inability to make myself clear as anything. I told him today that my son is too young to ask him why he did something and get a coherent answer. And that it was way more productive to say, "Well, when I was little, sometimes I did that and the reason was xxxx, but I've heard other people say they do it because yyyy. But I suppose the reason could also be zzzzz. Do any of these sound right?" And he will say yes or no and maybe tell us a bit more. I told him that sometimes I needed him to do that because I didn't have the right words. And he told me to tell him that if I needed to. But remembering that under stress when I'm trying to please him by coming up with an answer is tough. Sigh. At least I feel understood today.

Validation! :)

> > I feel so needy. And not righteously needy like an infant. But greedily needy. Like I'm trying to suck something from him.
> >
> I used to sometimes think I was like a vampire.

I think of myself more as a particularly tenacious leech. :)

> It might have been Jung (not exactly my greatest idol, but he had some good ideas), who said that our problems are rarely 'solved', but we manage to grow out of them eventually.

Well, I'd better get started growing!! I haven't that many years left!

>
> Hope this waffling on is of some use.

Always. :)
>
> Take care of yourself this weekend.

You too.

 

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