Posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 18:46:51
In reply to Re: politics » beckett2, posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2017, at 3:25:38
I've been feeling validated, lately, in some of my judgements about what is okay and what is not okay, and about various things that are going on.
It is nice, in a way. Helps me feel less crazy. That's usually the line, you see, I'm crazy, I'm being unreasonable, there must be something wrong with me. Then, if I persist, an element of ganging up. The 50 or 100 or 200 people around me don't seem to mind.
Which, I think, is why it is acceptable for me to be get up out and away from the 50 or 100 or 200 people around me who don't seem to mind.
I feel bad... Many of them are unhappy. And they don't know why they are unhappy. They don't know they are unhappy because nobody listens or cares to what they have to say about what is good for them and bad for them. They don't know they are unhappy because they are constantly being manipulated by others...
But there isn't anything I can do. Because here... I'm stuck in survival mode. I don't get my needs met and I'm not in the position to help anyone else.
I feel like this is a breeding ground for psychopaths. I suppose it is probably because they start with the economics assumptions that everyone is a self interested psychopath and insofar as they have incentive structures it's all built on that / from there...
I do just need to get away.
The theraputic potential of the internet... I feel very sad. There was / is a theraputic potential there, of course. I don't see so very much of it, anymore. It has been taken over by corporate interests...
We are just throwing an endless stream of money away... I suppose it has something to do with a false economy... This country seems incapable of investing in anything that actually has any kind of return. It just throws an endless stream of money at things...
We don't have any kind of control at all over telecommunications. I don't think we have a satellite or whatever... We just pour an endless stream of money into it while other people profiteer... It used to be that you could buy a computer and it would be still working just fine - how many years later? Now... You have to pay ongoing subscription always. Your system is constantly hijacked by system updates that obsolete various things.
They are getting rid of all the books here. They are being removed from libraries. Put into storage where you are not allowed to browse the shelves. The physical record of the books is gone. You need to do an electronic search for an electronic record. Which is so easily altered... Books are so easily vanished... Then you have computer problems and you can't read that book online anymore. Maybe you need to spend 30 minutes giving some program all your passwords and face and fingerprint recognition ID for the promise of being able to access your course information (HD AV online streamable only)... Or maybe something else will go wrong... Universities don't provide devices so much anymore it is all 'bring your own device' and then if things don't work you are expected to, what, give the university IT staff all your password permissions and everything so they can spend half a day messing about with your system to try and figure what might be wrong...
This is where things are going here...
They sell us 'you just need this $1,000 device and it will do everything' and so people buy that (instead of buying 5 proper textbooks that would be there for life and a decent second hand market). But after 6 months it doesn't and you need $1,000 for this other device. And so it goes on.
Computers used to have silent keyboards. Firm touch but they didn't used to make clack clack clacky sounds. Now everything is all about noise noise noise. Clack clack clacking of the keyboard (I can hear you pretending to work!) all teh f*ck*ng noises and flickering lights... The generation of kids has has their attention spans ruined by flicking devices and not many have the capacity to read much more than a headline / scan the text for relevant bits to copy and paste in the right place somewhere else.
The unnecessary things... University lectures (compulsory content) only accessible via online streaming... This 'capture' system that requires you have adobe. Then the requirements from adobe. The requirement to online stream instead of being able to download and watch at your leisure offline later...
It is really sh*t here.
There is no silent study space anywhere at all. Everyone is just hiding from the bullies. Always.
I went to work and income on Friday because I need to get my medical stuff renewed and I'm looking for a new place to live... And security on the door there ask me for ID (which they are allowed). And I declined to show them ID (which I am allowed). I requested that they step aside and allow me to go about my lawful business (which, to the best of my knowledge I am allowed since this is not a police state and they are not police) and they physically stand in front of me blocking my path. So... I repeat 'I am requesting that you step aside and allow me to go about my lawful business'while I basically forcefully walk through them (I'm stronger than I look with all my weight training).
I felt like... I was in some 3rd world country trying to gain access to a f*ck*ng embassy or something.
That's what things have come to here.
Then the security manager comes out and says she wants to talk to me and I'm like 'well, that's well and good but I don't want to talk to you'.
People don't listen to what anybody says here. Because you do get some people who don't mean what they say. They will say 'I'm not talking to you anymore! Do you hear me! I'm not talking to you anymore! Not talking! This is me not talking!' And so when I say 'I don't want to talk to you' they interpret me as meaning ' I want to play some trauma bonding game where we both spout rubbish at each other and we get close enough to chest bump with our posturing'.
There is no talking to people like that.
And these are the people they hire to be head of security.
Retired people... Disabled people... The most vulnerable people in our country... If you dare present yourself to work and income to ask for assistance... These are the people who are hired to greet you at the door.
And the health system is so bad because by the time people get seen by a doctor... They'll consent to anything. That's the thing, really. That's why the whole notion of informed consent over here is a joke.
I feel sick.
I'm not entirely sure what I am to do... Just finish up this semester, of course. I think I might have found a place to live... We will see... I have to go back to work and income... I won't hit anybody... But it makes me so f*ck*ng angry that they hire these awful people to bully people. And all the cowboys with construction etc... An endless stream of money thrown away while they fix one thing and mess up several others... Making horrible noises that you only notice if there is something wrong with you, clearly...
My old supervisor used to say 'you could spend your life arguing with idiots about rubbish if it makes you happy'. It doesn't make me happy. It doesn't.
I think... There was this aspect of... My having some kind of allegance to little me. I couldn't / wouldn't let that go. Because I remember when I was young being so very f*ck*ng unhappy in my room alone at night. My f*ck*ng awful mother. HOping she would stay away. But also an aspect / element of 'why doesn't someone come and get me the f*ck out of here?' and I promised myself that I would never forget. I would never forget how f*ck*ng awful and horrible things were and it was not okay. It really was not okay. And I would never forget that.
And in this way I was able to sort of bear witness for myself, I guess. For part of me. Maybe that was the start of it. And then... I guess when I was in Canberra and so on... I thought I needed to come back and... Try and help the little me's, I guess.
Only, I find a lot of kids who aren't like little me, at all. I feel like I'm stuck in some gamma baby factory in my residential hall where people are mostly focused on being part of some merged 5 or 6 people group person where everyone must assent and constantly focus on each other. I mean, people push past me in the lunch cue (i'm a non person because I don't have a herd) to join a group ahead of me...
I see some of the fear and hurt in some of their eyes sometimes... But the fact is that there is nothing that I can do for them. Living here forces me to be in survival mode. It's just awful.
I really do want to do medicine. And since I'm not a citizen of anywhere else I can only do that here... If I even get picked to do it. And getting the medical degree from the university is necessary but not sufficient for getting picked to do it / for getting selected to train with a college. I don't think our kids are doing so well on getting selected to train with the colleges. Largely because of the whole brain drain thing we have taken to only selecting / promoting those from early levels who aren't suitable for later stage training. Or... I don't know... I don't know how it goes... I suspect there is an awful lot of that. I suspect the undergraduate curriculum is all filled up with... Fluff that has nothing to do with preparing our students well for their qualifying exams. I bet it is filled up with a whole bunch of fluff that takes time away from people preparing for their qualifying exams...
I don't know why it is so nasty / horrid here. Except that I'm not having a good day (I can't use my new computer online on campus without a windows login and I don't see why the hell I should have to have a windows account / windows login) . I'm tired of 3 or 4 different popups requiring 3 or 4 differnet passwords to even use my computer at all.
it is a costly fitness trap indeed.
Cost of defection (opting out of computer / phone / telecommunications)=
Non-person.
Non-entity
Non-being
Not tagged. No bank account. Nothing.
Thats where we are.
I feel very sad.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1094248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20140225/msgs/1095038.html