Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

The alcohol demon Ima

Posted by BarbaraCat on September 2, 2003, at 13:15:05

In reply to Re: Aversions run deep SUMMER2002, posted by Ima on September 1, 2003, at 23:58:59

Ima,
> Bcat, when you were happy, do you think there was something else that made you want that first drink?

**That is a very good question and has gotten me thinking. Why wasn't the happy, light, playful and peaceful feeling I was enjoying enough for me? That opened bottle in the fridge was calling, calling to me, like a Siren's song. I knew I'd feel less than great the next morning. I always do and ALWAYS wish I hadn't had even that one teeny drink cause I feel so THICK in the morning with even one. But I guess I wanted the festive carefree feeling to continue and - hey, yes, here it is. It was definitely a yearning for that hypomanic buzzzzzzz. The sweet, happy joyful pure feeling was so nice, so sweet, but there was another little demon that got woken up, maybe by some passing good feeling molecule, that wanted MORE!!!! FEED MEEEE!!! The promise of that rush, that buzz, that transcendent ecstatic high state that I think we BP's are so familiar with, was too tempting, especially with that dang bottle calling from the fridge 'yooo hoooo, Barbara, this is OK but wanna feel REALLY good? Wanna see God?!!'

There must be some kindling from dopamine or some other chemical no matter why it is we feel good that sets off memories of feeling good in a more cataclysmic dramatic scale. For me, it's wanting more and more and more. I'm a 'wild' junkie, I want the wild experience. The peaceful easy feeling is fine for my healthy self, but the destructive lurking little demon in me wants WILD!! There's a definite manic component to it, but somehow I'm seeing into it a little more clearly than just random chemistry. I'm yearning for transcendence. I know there's a book about this very thing by Christina Groff and I think it's time I read it.

Thanks for your question, Ima. It's really got me thinking.

Barbara


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:BarbaraCat thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030902/msgs/256349.html