Posted by BarbaraCat on September 1, 2003, at 19:01:43
In reply to Aversions run deep » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on September 1, 2003, at 17:03:33
How much to divulge about one's demons is really a dilemma. Friends and partners can take only so much and they have they're own crap to deal with. You sure can't 'fess that you're having emotional problems at work. They start looking at you more closely, you're considered a potential problem, treated differently. If we let it rip and have a breakdown or really need help because we've become 'basket-cases', that's how we're remembered from then on. People remember the drama, not the day-to-day 'I'm really OK' stuff. You get subtly branded as unstable and that's how you're regarded. There's a certain dignity that's lost forever when you lose your dignity even once. I'm not talking about the true hearbreaks in life that everyone can relate to. This is the woo-woo stuff we on this board know so well, but would seem CRAAAAZZZYYYYY to the uninitiated. It's scary to them and to the many pdocs who have never in their lives ever ventured there. They study pills and behavior, not raw emotions and agonized need.
Even best friends will probably talk to other good friends, who will also talk to their friends, about the time you came over and sobbed and vomited on their kitchen floor (that would be me). And you'll be the topic of a few amusing tales. Nothing malicious, but you'll again be subtly branded and type-cast as someone who is a bit dotty and probably should not watch your kids.
Or they'll never really forgive you for that time you were beyond irritable and said something very cutting and wounding. Sometimes it brings people closer if they can really talk about it, share mutually, forgive, find true compassion.
But most people are truly afraid of the really dark despairing stuff. I think this applies to therapists as well, unless the therapy is specifically cathartic in nature. Those folks can take it and revel in it. Perhaps this is what your anxiety and anguish need. You need your pdoc because of the med thing, but I'll bet cathartic body work or breath release work would help you (me too) alot right now. You talk about the cellular stuff. Yes, there it is, deep down.
Boy, I sure do know about expenses, cause body/breath workers don't come cheap. But I really think your reticence about showing, exposing your 'other side' is valid. Most people just can't or don't want to deal with it. It's so lonely but we have to be discerning in who we introduce our wounded wild mares to. Jesus said 'Don't cast your pearls before swine', and I think this applies as well to psychiatrists who don't want to smell even the hint of horse shit. They aren't trained that way anymore. And yet, those are the times we really need to talk to someone, to trust someone to help us. Glad we have each other. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030828/msgs/256192.html