Posted by Ponder on August 29, 2003, at 15:47:29
In reply to Re: Hysteria in Tsunami! » fluffy, posted by katia on August 29, 2003, at 13:47:10
Hypersensitivity to real or imagined rejection is actually a bipolar trait (yes, this IS a cruel disease). Somehow it helps me to know that, even though the feelings persist. I think it helps with that distancing that Barbara talks about--recognize that the illness is not you and that your current perceptions are a part of the illness, not an accurate reflection of reality.
There was even an interesting little study about how bipolar people perceive facial expressions differently from non-bipolars. We are like the control group in our perceptions with one interesting exception--we are WAY more likely to pick up on an expression of disgust. Even a split second of someone else feeling disgusted registers with us. Mind you, it may have nothing to do with us. The person may be having a momentary flashback to a bad moment with their boss, or a conflict with a neighbor. But we see it and usually feel certain that we are the cause and object.
I agree, by the way, that what you are experiencing is a mixed state. The irritability, quick temper, and general emotional hyperreactivity is a give-away, especially since it is out-of-character for you.
You are remarkably articulate and expressive, particularly considering what you're going through at this time. It tells me you have a lot of internal resources to draw on. You should also know that you are making valuable contributions to all of us on this board. Your personality, courage and insight come through strongly in your posts.
About calling the doctor: I find that I have the hardest time calling my doctor when I am feeling the worst and need his help the most. I don't quite understand that dynamic. Part of it is the general tendency to withdraw, but sometimes I also fear that he will be disappointed in me because I haven't responded better to his treatment choices (like it's my fault, somehow) or that he'll be disgusted with me. :-) Anyway, I know the feeling, but would like to chime in with your other friends on the board in encouraging you to call in the calgary, your doctor being first in line.