Posted by fluffy on August 30, 2003, at 12:06:53
In reply to Re: Hysteria in Tsunami! » fluffy, posted by katia on August 30, 2003, at 0:50:14
> HI Katy,
> You mention it's been seven months since your dx of bp. and you also mentioned some med trial runs that were unsuccessful. What were they?
Forgive me if I'm sounding like a broken record, and for the lengthy explanation....
When I first started suspecting BP instead of major depression, I was already taking Lexapro, which was spinning me into mixed states almost "24-7". (this was in October, actually--so I guess it's been longer than 7 months) If they were anything as intense as Barb-cat's, then I'm surprised she tolerated it for as long as she did.
Barb-cat--you are one hell of a trooper!!
Then, I expressed to my pdoc that I wasn't sleeping for nights on end, was feeling suicidal and "agitated" and on the verge of feeling violent, he calmly prescribed another SSRI for me--Zoloft, and added on 100mg of Neurontin. (big help that was!) Well I started having the same mixed feelings 3 weeks into it.
Like Barb-cat, I basically diagnosed myself, as my arrogant psychiatrist was not listening to my reactions to the SSRI's. I went to this board for help, and I was sure after reading others' posts and hearing descriptions of "mixed states" that I'd experienced them before, w/o the "aid" of antidepressants.
I called my pdoc in tears and told him I was feeling suicidal and "jumpy". After telling him my theory that I might possibly be BPII at my next appt., he prescribed 100mg Tegretol (basically, air) and instructed me to get my blood levels tested.
At this point (I think this is where I was feeling like you right now) I was completely confused, disheartened, deeply depressed. I decided to not get my blood tested, and I thought "f*ck psychiatry to bloody hell!" I went a couple more months, feeling nothing and decided to find the clinic I'm now going to. I continued to ramp up the Tegretol, but just felt depressed still.
Then I tried Lamictal for the past 5 months, which has been the most promising yet--SOMETHING happened--unlike the other meds just making things worse or not working at all. Now I'm trying Li to get a full remission of my symptoms. Hopefully it will work.
So in short, here's my history, FWIW:
1st major depressive episode, no panic symptoms, (19 yrs. old)
2nd episode with panic attacks, short-lived depressive episode (24 yrs. old)
3rd episode with panic, mixed states, major depressive episode (26 yrs. old)
--Paxil (1 yr)
4th episode, with first clear hypomanic eurphoric state, followed by mixed states and a major depression (28-29 yrs. old)
--Lexapro (5 weeks)
--Zoloft, Neurontin (3 weeks)
--Tegretol 200mg (2 months)
--Lamictal 200mg (5 months)
I'm 29 years old now, and I've been going through med trials intensively for almost a year. trying to resolve the most recent and devistating episode, working towards remission (hope! hope!)
As to my psychologist friend who suggested I quit my meds...Well, she's known me practically my whole life, and I think it's hard for her to accept that over time, I'd become more critically ill. And being a psychologist, "talk therapy" is supposed to overcome depression. She is very uncompliant with ANY medication, so I think she was projecting her fear of medications onto me. Needless to say, I don't consult here anymore when I'm frustrated!!
Anyway--I hope this helps!
Best of luck,