Posted by Judy on July 3, 1999, at 12:17:38
In reply to Almost 'don't' count, posted by Annie on July 3, 1999, at 9:56:57
Racer,
I didn't dare say it last night when I read your latest post, but Annie said it for me, so I guess I'll give it a try too:
Please try to absorb this - YOU HAVE REACHED THE STAGE WHERE YOU ARE NO LONGER RATIONALLY CONSIDERING YOUR SITUATION!!! You need outside help to make decisions for you. Many of us have been there - It's a very dangerous place to be. Please understand this about yourself right now. Please? So many of us here care and have tried to help you find the right direction. I'm not even sure our words are reaching you anymore.
You need to stop making the excuses of the deeply depressed (you feel you should stick around and empty the kitty litter pans? Racer - look at what your rationale has become!!!) Let someone else take control for a little while. Please?
Judy
> Okay Racer, I'm going to try again. If you are constantly suicidal you have to get help. You need a rest from not feeling safe. If you are still suicidal in the hospital, I find it hard to believe that all those doctors would risk a malpractice suit by not changing your meds when appropriate. Even if they don't change your meds in the hospital you would at least feel safe.
> Racer, I am beginning to suspect the depression is causing a huge case of what I call 'yes buts' in you. Are you afraid to accept any help because it may not work? You have to do something besides vent here. Unfortunately, you may be right that many people will get bored with responding if you don't take any of the offers of help. You haven't emailed me to let me try to and I only hope you did email saintjames. We are sincere in our caring. We've been there. We understand. I can tell you are highly intelligent, but you have to stop intellectualizing everything. LOL. How many folks interview the ER doctor about proposed treatment plans when they are suicidal? You already assume you would not improve in the hospital. You assume they would not change your meds because one doc who may have had a bad day said so.(You may have pushed ALL her buttons Racer, if I'm picturing the scenario with any accuracy.) Give it a rest Racer and give yourself a rest. If you are still suicidal when you read this, hop in the car and drive to the hospital. Tell them you need to be safe. Let them see your pain. I know it is hard becuse it makes you vulnerable, but do it. Save the interviewing technique until you are safe. I want you here Racer. I want you to be able to email me when your trust level is higher. I told you once that I resonate to your way of thinking and your dry sense of humor. I'm sure others, like James feel the same. Be safe, Racer. I honestly care.
> Annie
>
>
> > I almost went up to the hospital today. This was my regular day for giving blood (apheresis), so I was near the hospital, and considered going up there and telling them to check me in. On the other hand, I don't want to be there. Here, at least, if I get an ounce of motivation, maybe I can do something that might improve my life, like clean the cat boxes or something. There, nothing good will happen.
> >
> > Here's the thing: I went three weeks ago and talked to a doctor there in the psych emergency department. She said, outright, that even if they did check me in, no one there would consider changing my medication since it was prescribed by one of their doctors. She told me outright that I would have to go to the doctor who has been treating me and get her to do something. I don't know what she expects this babe to do, besides driving me closer to the edge every time I'm unfortunate enough to have to speak with her about anything at all. I don't really see the point of being locked up, just to come back feeling just as bad. If I thought they would do anything helpful for me there, I would have gone today.
> >
> > This whole system is making me crazy. Or at least, crazier. What I want to know is what happens to other people? I'm highly intelligent by any standards, I have experience in getting through bureaucracies, I know how to escalate up through the ranks until you get an answer that works. What happens to people who can't do that? If I didn't have enough of that inside me, I'd have killed myself before now. At least so far I've been able to start turning my anger in a more appropriate direction.
> >
> > I really can't believe that that pathetic excuse for a doctor would tell me that wanting to kill myself is a sign that the drugs are working! What, she thinks that I should kill myself? Am I really that bad? (OK, some little voice in my mind tells me that she's jealous. I'm tall, very slender right now from the depression, and pretty if you like the Jody Foster/Bridget Fonda type. I'm also very smart and very articulate. I don't suffer fools gladly, and can't always hide that. She's got a medical degree, and that's the only thing I can see that she's got going for her. I know that six months ago, when I first tried to switch doctors, that other people have had similar complaints about her. Still, this is just too much.)
> >
> > Thank you all for responding. I wish one of you worked in this damn county system! Maybe then I'd get some relief.
poster:Judy
thread:8123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990628/msgs/8197.html