Posted by Racer on July 6, 1999, at 11:03:47
In reply to I sympathize but.., posted by wondering on July 6, 1999, at 9:19:18
I work when I can, freelance, and it brings in a little money. My mother has been paying my rent, so that I can continue to live alone. The cats are part of my life, and the horse is a long story. First of all, I've worked with horses for years. Training horses and riders was what I did for a living. This horse, the one I own now, I inherited. She's a financial drain, in a big way, but I usually manage to make enough money every month to support her. Not much more, but enough.
Part of the nightmare of this situation for me right now is that it is so hard for anyone to believe that it's as bad as it is. I'm thankful that the therapist got to hear some of it first hand, because at least she believes me when I say that they're stonewalling me at the clinic. After all, they stonewalled her in a big way last Friday.
One of the things that has stopped me so far from killing myself is the thought of how devastating it would be for my mother. Not the going through my things, but just the desolation of not having me to take care of her. What's so frightening now is that that thought means less and less as time goes on. I do want to get better, and sometimes I even know I can, but then I get so exhausted from fighting all the time.
poster:Racer
thread:8123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990628/msgs/8336.html