Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Judy, what that meant was...

Posted by Racer on July 5, 1999, at 23:49:21

In reply to Re: Judy, what that meant was..., posted by Cynthia on July 5, 1999, at 23:34:39

> >Racer
> Do you think these incompetent health care people are triggers for or increase your tendency to have suicidal depression?
> Sorry to hear you're feeling miserable again. I know these people and the problems you've been having would most likely increase my likelihood of becoming depressed. If they are, the cycle has got to stop, and hopefully right away.
> Take care and call your mother or your boyfriend if things get worse,
> Cynthia

Well, I can safely say that they don't help at all. Thank god for the therapist I found who is wiliing to see me, she made me promise to check in with her every day until the decision was made, and she keeps reminding me that I signed a contract not to kill myself while I was a client of hers. I don't know if she believes me that I will cancell the contract wit hher before doing anything, but I promise that it's on my mind that I can't do anything in good conscience until it's cancelled. Thank god and bob for this board, too.

It's hellish for me to wait until someone who's never spoken to me decides my fate. And wondering what is being said about me by that idiot doctor is hard, too. It's certainly making me feel more alone, and abandoned. That does trigger the suicidal impulses. As soon as I typed that line, I started crying again. I really do feel as though I'm always alone and always having to fight to get anything I need. I'm tired of it. I want someone else to help me fight for a change.

As for my mother, her heart is in the right place, but she was here for four hours yesterday, because she decided that she had to clean my apartment to make me feel better. In four hours of working diligently, she cleaned one bathroom. I could have done it in half an hour, and gotten something else done, too, but she has to do it her way: on hands and knees, with a sponge, rather than a mop. Then she vacuumed the living room - again on her hands and knees with a tiny canister vacuum. I could have done it with the upright in one quarter the time, and done a better job, too. So, while she means well, she also makes me shake with frustration. I guess that's because our mothers can train us to react to anything they do, huh?




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