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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Amanda29 on August 15, 2008, at 19:31:56
I recently found out that my previous T and psychiatrist terminated me because of severe transference issues...and it seems that now, with my psychologist now...(who I have been a patient of for 3 years)just this past month, the same behaviors that happened with my previous doctors is now happening with him. I am scared to death because I was terminated previously...and I am afraid he will do the same..even though he has been telling me all along that he is not going to terminate me. BUT, the kicker is that up until now, I have not been behaving weirdly like I am now...and so he has more to use against me.
My problem is that I dont know how to stop my behavior and I know ..and other people on this site have told me that I am in control of my behavior and actions...but literally I feel out of control. I dont know what to do.I know I need to talk to him about my transference issues...(we already have once), but the reason why I was dropped by my other thrapist was because I was so hung up on the transference that I couldnt focus on my other issues...and I dont want to go into session and talk about my issues with him because wouldnt that mean that I was "hung up" on the transference?
Posted by Stellabystarlight on August 15, 2008, at 20:47:40
In reply to I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 15, 2008, at 19:31:56
Hi Amanda29,
I'm sorry...I know it's painful...
I also have a very strong transference with my T and fear termination. I used to call him only once every two weeks or so during panic attacks, but felt guilty even then, and he was nice about it. I wanted to stop the urge to call/see/email him between sessions because I felt so painfully out of control and I knew it would get worse over time.
One day, we decided to record my sessions to clarify what was said between us. Thank goodness we did this, because it ended up being a solution for my need to connect with him between sessions.
I listen to our sessions anytime I have panic attacks or separation anxiety, and it instantly calms me down. It's also been great for re-analyzing my sessions with a clear head, and getting an accurate perspective on myself and my T. The recordings have really helped me and my therapy.
If your T doesn't feel comfortable recording your sessions for whatever reason, you should ask him to make you a relaxation tape as others have suggested. It might really help you...
Hope things get better for you soon.
Stellabystarlight
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 11:52:38
In reply to I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 15, 2008, at 19:31:56
I am confused, when I met with my T, he told me he was dealing with my sub conscious...and I didnt understand that. He was trying to find out the reasons why I was behaving the way I have been behaving with past month, and if there were sub conscious messages that I was sending out to him...and I couldnt understand or figure out anything. I didnt know what to do.
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 12:11:56
In reply to I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 15, 2008, at 19:31:56
One more question...is Transference something that I really need to focus on dealing with with my T? I talked to him once, and but, the previous T that I had, I was so focused on the transference that I couldnt focus on my other issues and therefore it got really bad and she let me go...
I dont want that to happen to him. SO, if I am to go to session with him this next week...should I just drop it and pretend that everything is ok OR is this something I need to continue to focus on? I dont want him thinking that I cannot get my mind off of it and that he has to terminate me, because he doesnt. It just so happens that this is a major issue for me right now, I wish it wasn't. But, for some reaosn, transference happens to me with every therapist I have had.
It sucks.
Posted by antigua3 on August 16, 2008, at 13:02:48
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 12:11:56
If transference is driving you crazy, maybe you should face it openly again with him, and again and again until you are able to get this under control. How many times have we (or at least for me) heard that you can't ignore the elephant in the room.
IMO, you need for him to help you deal with the boundaries, not on what they are, but how you can deal with fitting into those boundaries. What can he help teach you/tell you on how to deal with the boundaries, to respect them so you can move forward.
But at the moment, the transference is what is driving your therapy, and it needs to be dealt with on both sides. Is he experienced in dealing with this type of situation? Or does he bail when it gets too much. You need to talk to him about this and together find ways for you to stick to the boundaries, and explore what is it that makes this so very, very hard and agonizing for you.
Have him help you; that's his job. He just can't set the boundaries without helping you find ways to cope with them, given your past history. Just my opinion.
I know how much pain this transference causes, but you want to find out why you react this way so you can get a handle on it.
best of luck,
antigua
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 13:16:27
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by antigua3 on August 16, 2008, at 13:02:48
I agree with dealing with the issues with him...over and over until it is resolved somewhat...but, in my previous relationship with my therapist, they didnt want to deal with it and it got severe, but with them not helping me to deal with it, I got worse and it was all I could focus on because IT WAS THE ISSUE AT HAND. But, I didnt get passed it because I didnt know how.
My T now has set boundaries with me and it is up to me to follow them, but that is so hard for me bcause I have never been able to handle boundaries. But it is good that they are there.
I was thinking of having him help me to move forward by starting the session asking me questions...OTHER THAN THAT OF MY TRANSFERENCE...so that I can move away from those issues.
Posted by rskontos on August 16, 2008, at 13:23:46
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared. » antigua3, posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 13:16:27
So amanda, ask him to help you set up ways to not overstep those boundaries. That is a good way to stay within the boundaries and to show him you want to stay within them. To ask for help is good.
Let him know you want to compile but are having a hard time is not a bad thing it is human.
rsk
Posted by seldomseen on August 16, 2008, at 14:59:08
In reply to I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 15, 2008, at 19:31:56
Amanda,
I will admit that I haven't read all of the posts in response to your threads. I trust that you, like I have, have received some good support and advice on these pages.Has anyone mentioned dialectical behavior therapy with you?
http://priory.com/dbt.htm
The webpage above contains some information about it.I think what is happening right now is simply beyond your ability to cope with the distress you feel. I think you need some skills and some tangible methods of dealing with stress, forming your own boundaries (those come first, then you develop boundaries with others) and help you find some peace.
DBT has helped a lot of people to develop the tools to move forward.
I would highly suggest that you mention it to your T and look into classes in your area.
Keep us posted about your progress.
Seldom.
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 15:21:56
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared. » Amanda29, posted by seldomseen on August 16, 2008, at 14:59:08
My therapist mentioned DBT to me about 2 years ago, and he told me that if we did that, I wouldnt be able to come in and talk about issues that were bothering me..that we would have specific things to talk about and exercises to do. Whereas this is good, I need to be able to have a thearpist that I can talk about my issues...the only therapy I have known is where I sit and talk about what is bothering me. I know there are many different ways to do therapy, but I am scared to do DBT. I cannot loose being able to talk to him about my personal life, relationships, how I deal with things, work issues, family issues, etc. I know I just need to suck it up and get over it, but I dont know what I would do if I lost being able to talk to him.
Posted by AbbieNormal on August 16, 2008, at 18:16:19
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared. » seldomseen, posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 15:21:56
Kinda sounds like your T doesn't like doing DBT, and sorta discouraged it. There is no reason why some part of your sessions can't be set aside for learning about DBT, and you can be given homework to learn more on your own. There are some very useful skills to learn.
A good book:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance
Abbie
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 19:17:45
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared. » seldomseen, posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 15:21:56
One of the things I am scared of is that every therapist I have been to transference occurs. I know that this is a natural phenomonon (sp?) that happens, and yet, my T tells me that he didnt learn about it in school and that the only times he experienced it was when he was an intern with a psychiatrist in the ER. Other than that, he hasn't.
So what I am I supposed to do..tell with this by myself? Shove it under the rug and pretend that it isnt there? I dont understand why it always happens to me...
Posted by Looney Tunes on August 16, 2008, at 21:25:55
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 19:17:45
I actually find it a problem that your T did not learn about transferance in school. Is he a PhD? PsyD? T's (including those CBT types) are taught about transferance and countertransferance, because usually this is what leads to lawsuits and major problems.
You need to find someone that can deal with your transferance. It is not a problem, it occurs in ALL RELATIONSHIPS. But the fact that your T can not or does not know how to appropiately handle it is concerning.
I don't want to be diagnosing people, because I am not a T, however, it sounds like you might be Borderline (with all your boundary problems). YOU REALLY need a T who knows what he/she is doing with transferance because Borderlines have very intense transferance issues and the T usually has very intense countertransferance issues.
I dont know about this....
Posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 21:32:32
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Looney Tunes on August 16, 2008, at 21:25:55
You are correct in that I am borderline. AND IT SUCKS. My T is working very hard with me and he is trying hard to deal with the transference but at the same time, I feel awkward because I feel like I shouldnt be experiencing transference. But you know what...all the therapists I have had have not been able to handle transference. I believe that he CAN HANDLE IT.
He has been trying to detach me from him by setting boundaries with him and I am trying to follow them. I believe that if I do, it will help the transference to deminish...hopefully.
My T is a Ph.D
I feel like that if something were happening that he thought he couldnt handle he would let me know.
I do trust him.
Transference scares the crap out of me..I never know how to handle it correctly and so I am hoping that by doing exactly what he says..in regards to boundaries and limit setting and ways to improve my life...It will help calm things down.
Posted by Amanda29 on August 17, 2008, at 14:36:19
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared. » Looney Tunes, posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 21:32:32
My T returned an email I sent to him and he said that "we need to talk about it (the transference) more". So there is the answer to my question. He does want to deal with it some more. This does make me nervous, but it was the answer I needed to hear and I told him that I would answer his questions the best that I could. They say that therapy can be difficult..and well, this for me is as difficult as it comes...and I have dealt with some pretty heavy stuff.
Posted by nebulae on August 17, 2008, at 22:09:35
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 17, 2008, at 14:36:19
Amanda, i am in a similar boat right now (see my Termination because of strong transference post and an update). The thought of loosing this relationship, which is the best one i have ever had, is beyond scary and beyond upsetting. I value it and treasure it but yes, i guess, sometimes you can do therapy wrong.
Please keep us posted.
Posted by susan47 on August 23, 2008, at 19:14:04
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 11:52:38
Your T sounds a bit incompetent, if he's dealing with you and you have intense issues with fear of abandonment for example, and you have BPD, for example, he has just set himself up in a position of being an authority figure, doctor versus patient, rather than a co-healer with you, and Watch Out as if you fall for this, you're in danger of setting yourself up for some idol worship and even more dependency. The best way you can heal what's happened with you and him so far, is to completely back off until you have his trust and you have to earn it by being trustworthy, and perhaps your brain needs medication it isn't getting, and relaxation, and your body probably needs a lot of good exercise.
Think about it, don't get addicted to this bloke. It's a mistake you will regret. You don't want to live with more regret.
Posted by susan47 on August 23, 2008, at 19:16:08
In reply to Re: I am so confused and scared., posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 11:52:38
He should NEVER have told you he was dealing with your subconscious. How the hell are you to build trust with THAT?
What an *ssh*l*.
Get rid of him.
This is the end of the thread.
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