Shown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 15, 2004, at 16:35:56
Hi, I have been reading various threads, and I am so sad myself. I find myself relating to almost everyone here... here is my story:
I met a girl way back in the days of level 5 high school. I found her wonderful, so I asked our mutual friend if she had a boyfriend. I later found out that she was also talking about me a whole lot. I was only 16 and she was 14. She told me, two weeks into the relationship that she felt like I was "the one". Roughly a month later, we made love for both of our first times, and I will never forget that moment. A year later, we broke up cause I was a jealous dick, but managed to get back together within a week and I had totally changed my ways. well, roughly five years down the line, I graduated from a thing we call Cegep (between high school and university) and found a job in the computer field. She got a Professional diploma in woodworking and was currently working in a convenience store. She moved from her parent's house and I (having so many big plans that would be sacrificed) followed her two months later. It was like pure joy. I was just full of hormones and feeling like we had just started going out. I was doing everything, cleaning, giving her rides, cooking, massaging, caring like none other could. I loved her and saw myself spending the rest of my life with her. We had a few different views and she did not have any friends besides mine that became mutual friends. She had decided to take a second job to make a bit of extra cash to help pay off the rest of out expenses, new washer, fridge, cookware. A month later, we were 20 and 22 respectively, and she was starting to talk about this guy at work that was a good friend now. I was happy for her, but at the same time was starting to get worried because she was talking about him more and more and now she was going out for coffee after work with him quite often. one day, I came hom for lunch and found her and that guy drinking coffee. I did not take to it very well, but soothed my hormones and did not say a word. we were approaching christmas time (2003) and I was really happy about being with her. I have got to mention that sexually, she seemed to have problems wanting to have sex as often as me. sometimes, it would be 2 times a week, sometimes, once every three months. I really hated trying to arouse her, because she would shiver or growl at me and even yell sometimes. I felt so useless. When we did have sex, it was magical and wonderful, the perfect expression of my unconditionnal love for her. I always made sure that she was satisfied, even sometimes stopping when she had climaxed even though I had not yet because I didn't want to ruin the moment, I wanted her to have wonderful memories of our encounters. Anyhow. one evening, the 25th, I was supposed to have a late familly supper and sleep at my parent's and she had to work so she said that she had made plans to go grab a coffee with that guy since he was not doing anyhing that night. I had my supper shortened by bad weather and called her to tell her I could pick her up or go out with the both of them. She told me that the guy felt uncomfortable around me so she would rather we do it another time. she got off work at 11 pm and cam back home around 2 am. I was a nervous wreck, the weather was horrible. She said she did not go to coffee, but instead went to the guy's place and they just talked, listened to music and had a coffee. on the 24th and 25th, I forgot to mention, we had glorious sex, the kind that makes you glow inside. for cristmas, she bought me a playstation2 and I bought her a dremmel. I loved her so and she did me. In the past weeks, she had not been sleeping well, only getting a few hours of sleep a night and barely eating. on the 30th, I had to work, and she spent the day with that guy, they went for a coffee to a really nice place after work and then she watched a dvd at his place. I did not want to complain as not to seem controlling or jealous, but I did tell her that I would appreciate her spending a little less time with him and a little more with me and that my friends and family agreed that this was not normal. we then went with another couple we know to the hilton in quebec city. what a beautiful weekend. then three nights later, she told me it was over, that she was tired, that it wasn't working between us, that she felt horrible about refusing me sex and also felt horrible about having a seemignly below-average libido. I freaked and asked if it was because of the guy, she swore up and down that this had nothing to do with him, that this was not the cause, that we had problems, that she needed to change her life and be alone, she said it was to the point where she could not even feel well when trying to hug me or be held by me. I was devastated. I moved out the next day, my friends were ultra supportive as were my family. they all said that it would be ok, that I could find so much better and that I would be so much happier with someone else. three days later, I went to pickup a few things I had forgotten around midnight and the guy was there, they were "just watching a movie". and told me that nothing would ever happen with another guy for a long time because as long as she did not feel comfortable hugging or sexually, she could not have a relationship. The next morning when I dropped off my friend (who lives nearby) I noticed the guy's car was still there. I thought the worst. she told me later that she is changing he life, she is living every day separately, never thinking of the future or plans. she says they hugged and kissed (no tongue) for the whole night, and the next but that she would never forget me. She said the love with him is so different from the one we shared, she felt horrible and was adamant about getting the point across that no matter what this seemed like, she did not expect this to happen and she did not leave me for him. She said I look better, was phsically everything that she ever dreamed and that I had more money, that I was bigger, stronger and sexier than him. She said that his only feature is his really blue eyes and that he was cute but had a weird mouth. I was eveything for her. I would have given my whole life to make her happy. every string in me had come appart. I feel like nothing. I am so scared of what their relationship will wield. I mean, I spent over six years trying to make it work, most people are saying to me that the only reason that it lasted so long was because of my tireless efforts. But she tried as well, I found a half-empty bottle of some natural drug that she was secretly using to try an boost our sexual relationship. she told me over and over while we were together that she was so scared of losing me because I would get tired of her bellyaching or woudl get fed up of no sex, but to me, sex was a tiny problem because of the wealth of love that I had for her. Now, I can fear that maybe she will have sex with this guy, and maybe she will have a kind of super-libido since we've split and that thought breaks me because I know that she loved it when we would do it, I would add variety to her taste and would do anything she liked. Also, I had asked her multiple times if she would need me to change anything to please her or get her aroused, she told me no, that I was perfect in every way, that she wished she had a switch that she could turn on for it to work. but when she broke up she said that she was tired of trying and even trying to think of trying. I am now a broken mess, I don't know how to go on....I wish something would swoop down and end this. I am so sad.........it has been close to a week that she has been with this guy and he appears to be sleeping over quite often...man my life sucks...I just don't know what to do anymore....
-the empty shell that used to be Mike
Posted by Mimi on January 16, 2004, at 7:16:57
In reply to Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 15, 2004, at 16:35:56
Wow! What a nice guy you sound like!
My 1 and 1/2 year relationship ended (including a broken engagement) on this past Halloween when he became abusive. I've been a wreck for 2 and 1/2 months. It does get better with time but it is some hell to go through.
It's hard for me to have faith that there are any nice men out there.
Your girl was not very honest with you.
Mimi
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 17, 2004, at 9:08:18
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship! » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 16, 2004, at 7:16:57
Thanks for the post Mimi, you don't think that she was very honest with me? I'm wondering if that is true or not because she always said that she was, and I never had any reason to think otherwise. She told me a million times that she was not leaving me for him, that there were other reasons and that what is happening with him has nothing to do with us. She had also told me that if anything were meant to happen between the two of them, that what happened between us wouold be the reason that it did not work out if it was supposed to. anyways, I feel horrible...I just wish I hadn't cared so much about her, then this pain wouldn't be so strong. I mean, I was trying to sleep the other night, and all I could think of was if she was already having sex with this other guy, and if it was better (which seems almost impossible, given the fact that I would always make sure that she was content after the fact, and I would love to bask in the afterglow with her, sometimes staying up and talking all night about a million things, and how much I loved her.) Plus she told me that this guy is weaker than me, uglier than me (facially and physically) and that he is too skinny for her tastes, has less money and basically no future. He is 24, I am 22, I have graduated from cegep and am going to university this fall. He conveniently decided to stop smoking the day after we broke up, and told her he'd been meaning to do that for a long time, she says she wants to go to cegep and whhen she told him that, he said that he also wanted to go adn has been considering it for a long time, but when she asked in which field, he said he did not know. The F-ing guy is a loser and will never amount to anything, he will never be able to love her to the extent that I did. This is so obviously a ploy to get into her pants. Lots of people are telling me that maybe she has a fairly weak ego and that as soon as someone shows interest, she is amazed and overtaken. She does not have any friends except him, and whenever she did make any friends, they were either guys or women over 35... she said she does not relate to women her age. Why does she want him so much? She even says that the whole thing is that she doesn't think of the future with him, it might end next week as it may not. My father, who is a psychiatric nurse thinks that she suffers maybe from bipolar depression and that this could very easily just be a manic phase. hmm, geez I with I did not love her so. I told her that I loved her unconditionally, and it is so true, that it is the very reason that I am coming apart. She could have been run over by a truck, gained 400 lbs, been a supoer skinny freak, grow body hair, have bo, anything and I would have loved her all the same for who she was. Geez, I'm in tears just typing and thinking about it. I don't think that I'll ever be able to love someone this much again, it hurt too deep. I'm in such pain. I miss squeezing her, I miss lifting her up and carrying her to her room, I miss giving her full body massages with hot oils and drawing hot bubble baths for her. I miss cooking for her, waiting for her, looking at her from the corner of my eye. I was so deeply in love, no matter what everyone told me. They said she is below my level, that intelectually, physically, basically on every level, she was beneath me, and that I could do so much, better...if that is the case, then why does this hurt so much? Why did I love our relationship so much....I don't know... All I know now is that I have to get used to the fact that the center of my universe is gone, that I have to make me the center of my universe, that I have to care about myself, get into shape, take up the singing lessons that I have put off forever because I didn't want to miss out on the moments that we could have. She always loved my voice and told me that I have to do something about it because it is a terrible waste....I don't know.... I just feel in pain, and shattered. I have nothing left inside but broken memories and long lost emotions. amyways, I'm glad that someone at least took the time to read my rediculously long post and help me feel a little better. I really hope thing work out for you too, I hate this pain and would never even wish it on my worst enemy. anyhow...that is depressing enough for now. Thanks again,
-The sorry excuse for a human...Mike
Posted by Mimi on January 17, 2004, at 11:25:24
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 17, 2004, at 9:08:18
>Mike,
Keep your sweet caring spirit. I wish men in my age group were like you.Part of why she left you is because she was only 14 when you got together. She needs to explore her individuality outside of you.
Try not to dwell on the loser guy she chose. Many women are blinded by charm and chose losers who will do them no good in the end.
I'm experiencing some of the same feelings you are. After 2 months of hell and 2 weeks of grief exhaustion, I am now in depression mode. Hard to even get out of my own way. Yeah, I wonder about the next woman my ex will take up with, if he hasn't already. But I rest assured in the fact that no woman will treat him as well as I did nor will she understand him as thoroughly. There is consolation in realizing your assets.
I've been told that "the only way out is through." Feel the pain, feel the anger, vent with friends, cry, punch the pillow. I find going to church helps; it's a good place to cry. You're right, focus on yourself. Get your education. You're only 22. Plenty of good women--who will truly appreciate you--are left for you. Pay attention to the lessons you are learning from this loss. They will help you choose better next time. You sound like a keeper to me.
There are more good women in the world than there are good men. You probably know that.
Mimi
Thanks for the post Mimi, you don't think that she was very honest with me? I'm wondering if that is true or not because she always said that she was, and I never had any reason to think otherwise. She told me a million times that she was not leaving me for him, that there were other reasons and that what is happening with him has nothing to do with us. She had also told me that if anything were meant to happen between the two of them, that what happened between us wouold be the reason that it did not work out if it was supposed to. anyways, I feel horrible...I just wish I hadn't cared so much about her, then this pain wouldn't be so strong. I mean, I was trying to sleep the other night, and all I could think of was if she was already having sex with this other guy, and if it was better (which seems almost impossible, given the fact that I would always make sure that she was content after the fact, and I would love to bask in the afterglow with her, sometimes staying up and talking all night about a million things, and how much I loved her.) Plus she told me that this guy is weaker than me, uglier than me (facially and physically) and that he is too skinny for her tastes, has less money and basically no future. He is 24, I am 22, I have graduated from cegep and am going to university this fall. He conveniently decided to stop smoking the day after we broke up, and told her he'd been meaning to do that for a long time, she says she wants to go to cegep and whhen she told him that, he said that he also wanted to go adn has been considering it for a long time, but when she asked in which field, he said he did not know. The F-ing guy is a loser and will never amount to anything, he will never be able to love her to the extent that I did. This is so obviously a ploy to get into her pants. Lots of people are telling me that maybe she has a fairly weak ego and that as soon as someone shows interest, she is amazed and overtaken. She does not have any friends except him, and whenever she did make any friends, they were either guys or women over 35... she said she does not relate to women her age. Why does she want him so much? She even says that the whole thing is that she doesn't think of the future with him, it might end next week as it may not. My father, who is a psychiatric nurse thinks that she suffers maybe from bipolar depression and that this could very easily just be a manic phase. hmm, geez I with I did not love her so. I told her that I loved her unconditionally, and it is so true, that it is the very reason that I am coming apart. She could have been run over by a truck, gained 400 lbs, been a supoer skinny freak, grow body hair, have bo, anything and I would have loved her all the same for who she was. Geez, I'm in tears just typing and thinking about it. I don't think that I'll ever be able to love someone this much again, it hurt too deep. I'm in such pain. I miss squeezing her, I miss lifting her up and carrying her to her room, I miss giving her full body massages with hot oils and drawing hot bubble baths for her. I miss cooking for her, waiting for her, looking at her from the corner of my eye. I was so deeply in love, no matter what everyone told me. They said she is below my level, that intelectually, physically, basically on every level, she was beneath me, and that I could do so much, better...if that is the case, then why does this hurt so much? Why did I love our relationship so much....I don't know... All I know now is that I have to get used to the fact that the center of my universe is gone, that I have to make me the center of my universe, that I have to care about myself, get into shape, take up the singing lessons that I have put off forever because I didn't want to miss out on the moments that we could have. She always loved my voice and told me that I have to do something about it because it is a terrible waste....I don't know.... I just feel in pain, and shattered. I have nothing left inside but broken memories and long lost emotions. amyways, I'm glad that someone at least took the time to read my rediculously long post and help me feel a little better. I really hope thing work out for you too, I hate this pain and would never even wish it on my worst enemy. anyhow...that is depressing enough for now. Thanks again,
> -The sorry excuse for a human...Mike
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 19, 2004, at 7:58:08
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship! » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 17, 2004, at 11:25:24
sorry for the lateness of my post, I was too depressed to do anthing, I spoke with my ex the other day, she was still in bed, with that creep. She told me that she was tired of the questions, she was tired of other things as well, like the fact the I would try to turn her on when she didn't feel like it, the fact that I would sometimes, out of desperation, say things like: "well, I think I know" when she told me she didn't feel like it... She practically blamed the whole thing on me... I am willing to assume some of the responsibility because I was in fact a little insecure at times, but now that she is with this guy, I guess my fears were not totally unfounded. And she told me that it has been well over a week that we have been broken up and I am still asking her questions and was extremely irritated. I just wanted to understand why I was always there for her during her mood swings her depression and bitchyness. She always told me that she was scared of losing me because of her constant complaining about everything. I consoled her every time. I had one problem, my insecurity, and she could not even stick with me to help me through it. And I believe I had mentionned earlier that she was not sleeping well or eating well during the last month, but now she says she is sleeping great and eating all the time. I told her that she really should at least take some time alone to think about our relationship and how she felt and also to help find herself and reassess her goals. She told me that she does not want to look at the future, she does not want to think about anything, she says she was working for 6 years and that she was tired of even thinking of it. She just wants to live by the day and not think of her problems... the thing is, she tried to kill herself twice before I met her and was on drugs and boozing. I stopped all of that, and had her feeling better, but because of her odd family, she was constantly depressed and blamed it on her weird mother. She moved out and was happy for a few weeks, and then fell back into her normal depressed state... then started blaming the way she felt on her roommate. so she moved eventually (but circumstances did not allow her to stay there anyways) and I guess I was always there for her. I told her that no matter what goes wrong in her life, no matter how bleak it all seemed, she could always count on me and my love and that I would help her through any rough spot, even if that meant f-ing myself and my life in the process. Now it's my turn to shoulder the blame for the way she is feeling, I asked too many questions, I said too many comments, I complained too much about the overflow of cat hair in the apartment (she has 2 long-haired cats in one tiny appartment!) and was too forcelful about sex, and now, I was responsible for making her mad. Me me me...always my fault. I am ready to assume roughly 20% of the blame, I was a little insecure, but I brought so much to her....she just focused on the negative because she is trying to find a valid reason for what she did that does not involve putting her at the center of her own problems. and now she is high on hormones from the honeymoon phase with this freakin guy. I just don't get it, plus I don't understand how she can already be in the same bed as this guy. anyways, I am still quite distraught over this and I just can't seem to feel right. I have had well over three women in the last six years come onto me and express openly that they loved me knowing fully that I was in a serious relationship. I can't even think about calling them because I feel bad about it, I fell like I would be using them, I also feel for some stupid reason that if would be like cheating on my ex. Even though I never ever did (amidst all the sexual frustration and the fact that she did not even want to help me get off just by touching me while did all the work...) I Never once thought about going elsewhere. In order to sleep with someone, I really have ot love them, or it feels dirty, it feels empty. I don't have sex, I make love. This really has screwed me up...me, the guy who usually motivates people, picks them up and stops them from smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking and all sorts of other bad habits. I feel all alone, I feel down on life...I never have in the past, I have always been a (pardon my english) cheery fellow. and now, I am wallowing in self-pity, angst, bewilderment, hatred, doubt and loneliness. I feel horrible. I sometimes wish I was dead...although I am totally against suicide, I can't help but think that it might be nice to have a heart attack of something. After all, I did kind of have a heart "attack" and cannot seem to cope properly with this loss. Although my brain tells me this is rediculous, this girl was not even pretty, was not nice with you etc... My heart says: "My angel is gone" and that is just so enraging.....I wish I could be stronger, I wish I could take this and just get over it without feeling anything....but apparently, I'm human....and this is part of the package. I feel jaded, I feel crappy and the only time I fell slightly better is when I think about people like you who actually are going through similar problems and who are taking the time to help others throughout their own hardships...possibly even finding answers for themselves along the way....thanks so much for reading my rantings and being there... knowing that a complete stranger actually cares more about my feelings than my ex of a 6 year relationship makes me think that maybe I am better off without her. Maybe she was just holding me back, maybe she was only taking an hardly ever giving back... she never made exceptions for me sexually, it was always when she wanted it and if I did, she says she felt bad, but still I had to practically pull teeth to get her to even help me. probably after we would have had kids, it would have been over sexually, and I guess that is a horrible waste of love. anyways, thanks again, I feel nothing but love for you and thankfulness for your presence throughout my crisis. Thanks!
-Mike
Posted by Mimi on January 20, 2004, at 15:49:48
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 19, 2004, at 7:58:08
Mike,
I'm depressed too because of the loss of my relationship. I was engaged for one year. I raged and wailed for two months after the break-up. Then I was flat out exhausted for two weeks. Now I am depressed and unable to get out of my own way. It all is quite challenging.
I have one word for you: CODEPENDENCE. Buy some books(or borrow them) on this. There's one called "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie (spelling?) I read a different one, "Codependent No More" by same author.
She has problems, but you have problems around rescuing people. Look into this.
"The only way out is through."
At this point, focus on your own grief. Believe me, that's a big enough job, i.e. forget about what she's doing; it will just drive you crazy. I know.
I'm 2 and 1/2 months out and still suffering.
I keep reaching out to friends. I wouldn't dream of going on a date right now. Maybe in a year or two.Keep posting,
Mimi
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 21, 2004, at 12:14:36
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship! » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 20, 2004, at 15:49:48
Thanks for the reply, I will check out those books at the library tomorrow. I was doing ok yesterday because we spoke and she basically told me that I had already moved on and that she was nowhere near moving on (even though this other guy is sleeping in her bed, buying her roses and listening to some sinatra, that and I also noticed his underwear and shirt on the floor of the bedroom when I went to pick up the last of my stuff with one of my friends today) the fact that she told me that I was more advanced in the process than her gave me a certain sense of independance and power that sent me on a high for the rest of the day. But seeing the aformentionned clothing on the florr of the bedroom kinda freaked me and I am now back in a messed up frame of mind...I cannot help but wonder if they are already at a sexual stage in their relationship...she had assured me yesterday that there was a slight physical attraction but nothing sexual in the least...she said she did not know if that portion would ever come back for her after me. I am now stupidly thinking about how this guy is trying to slowly creep his way into her pants and her being to emotionally distraught to even be able to see his sleazyness. I mean, this guy was supposed to be a friend, a support for her to fall back on, but he instead became her boyfriend and took advantage of her dependance to try to get something back. If he were a real friend, and erally cared about her, he would have told her that they should only be friends for now because she has to find herself and be completely over me before starting anything. Also, if he had any real emotional attachment to her, it would bother him that she keeps all of the photos of the two of us on the walls everywhere in the apartment, because that would mean that she is not 100% investing emotionally in him, but he doesn't mind, I think he even likes it because for his ego, this is like a huge win...in his mind, she is picking him over me a successful, charming, nice person. What a d|@k. he really just gets me. GRRRR! anyways, I am probably going to go to the movies with my friends soon (along with this girl that has had a crush on me for a year and a half) and hopefully, I'll let myself have a good time. But I did make it clear to her that right now, I cannot invest anything, I just need her as a friend to fall back on. If something occurs with time, so be it, but I don't feel ready for the investment at the moment, and I don't want to use anybody to prop myself up all the while destroying them. My ex is doing just that, but she does not realize it because she is not all that self-aware. The guy doesn't really care either cause he wants to sleep with her, that is all he is after (what kind of "friend" consoles a friend by hugging an kissing all night and sleeping in the same bed as that "friend"....I have GOT to try to find a way to stop thinking about this because it will make me end up in an asylum. anyways, thanks for your constant support and contribution and useful suggestions, they are, as always, enormously appreciated.
-Mike
Posted by Mimi on January 22, 2004, at 13:54:08
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 21, 2004, at 12:14:36
You're right. The guy is not really her friend. He's buying roses! He definitely wants in her pants.
I left a 7-year relationship with a nice stable guy (who was too dull for me) to go out with an interesting poser. We got engaged within 5 months and one year later I figured out he was not really my friend at all, and he's a total loser. My friends and family saw it before me. But the important thing is that I saw it, but I am much older than your girl. She will probably be snowed for some time. For some reason, many woman do not see through the sweet talk.
You would be wise to move on. If I were you I wouldn't jump immediately to the next girl who has a crush on you. That will mess you up further. Go out and have fun with your friends. I feel much better when I don't sit home, obsessing and moping over it.
Mimi
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 22, 2004, at 16:15:27
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship! » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 22, 2004, at 13:54:08
Yeah, I guess you are right... the thing is I knew they were no longer friends on the third day because she told me that they were hugging and kissing (although no tongue because she associates french kissing with sex) the whol night. The thing that gets me is that I am a nice fun guy. I read an article today that crushed me. It basically said that women that are frigid usually are that way because they do not feel loved or secure or appreciated enough, that led me to thinking about all the times that she would talk about some things repeatedly and eventually I got to a point where I was saying...uh huh...ya...that would be cool but when it is the sixth time that someone tells you something that they are nuts about, evenutally, you lose interest. This really got me to thinking that maybe she didn't feel appreciated. although I was extremely caring except the two times that I snapped at her after she growled at me for wanting to initiate sex. I am usually a nice caring fun guy... I mean, for her birthday, I surprised her with a trip to quebec city (about 4 hours away by car) and I had booked a king size bed in the executive rooms at the hilton on the 18th floor...I mean, I really liked to surprise her by cleaning or doing the wash. I would even bring her lunches at her job and a slushie in the summer when it was hot when she didn't even expect me to appear. But I think that maybe, even though I did all those crazy things (even after 6 years..I loved her as much as the first week...even more so) Maybe she didn't feel secure or that I loved her as much as I did. I am so disturbed by the thought that she could think that my love was not genuine...she had even said that she felt like I was holding her and massaging her only to get sex...now I'll admit, my drive was through the roof with her because I loved her so deeply, But I loved making her happy as well, not everything I did was for sex. But now, I am also under the impression that maybe she is going to have sex all the time with this other guy, and that makes me just feel HORRIBLE because it has been 5 years of constant searching and effort to attempt to get her back into that kind of state, and with this new guy, she might just be giving it all away....this hurts me soo much....I feel so useless....geez.....how shitty can I feel....my life sux.
-Mike
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 22, 2004, at 21:21:56
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 22, 2004, at 16:15:27
> geez.....how sh[*]tty can I feel....
I hate to interrupt, and sorry to be such a prude, but please don't use language that could offend others. If you have any questions about this or comments about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways to express yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 23, 2004, at 7:23:19
In reply to Re: please be civil » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Dr. Bob on January 22, 2004, at 21:21:56
sorry! :(
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 24, 2004, at 9:54:19
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 23, 2004, at 7:23:19
Posted by Mimi on January 25, 2004, at 18:19:30
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 22, 2004, at 16:15:27
Mike,
Sounds like you and your ex had a communication problem. At this point you're guessing about what she thought and what she felt, without really knowing why the relationship went bad.
Read some communications skills books before the next relationship.
It's three months out for me and I went dancing last night. I feel like a new person. The worst is over. It's all water under the dam at this point. Yeah!
Mimi
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 26, 2004, at 7:15:08
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship! » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 25, 2004, at 18:19:30
I am really happy to hear that everything is ok with you, I still feel horrible that she is with someone else. I wish she would have been truthful with me about the whole thing. I mean, she swore up and down that she did not have feelings for this guy and that he was just a friend and that she wanted to be alone more than anything... It hurts me to know that someone else is allowed to be in her presence and enjoy her company and that I, the person that was said to be the most important in her life, cannot even speak with her, let alone see her. I keep having the urge to reach out to her and tell her that this is not good for her, that this guy is the equivalent of putting a band-aid on an open artery. This will not help her out, it will postpone the empty space that I used to fill. But I cannot, and even if I could, she wouldn't even care about anything that I would have to say. I feel like I will never be able to love someone this much again. I think that this is one of the worst feelings someone can have. I think I still love her more than anything....this really hurts.
mike
Posted by Mimi on January 26, 2004, at 8:22:59
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 26, 2004, at 7:15:08
The only way out is through. Feel the pain. Cry, cry, cry. Bleed, bleed, bleed.
Rent some movies. Live, breathe and eat grief. It's best to feel it and be done with it. It took me 2 months of raging and wailing. I feel like a new person now. However, 2 months ago I thought I would die.
Mimi
Posted by Susan J on January 26, 2004, at 12:12:35
In reply to Re: Help me get over her after a 6-year relationship!, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 26, 2004, at 7:15:08
>> I wish she would have been truthful with me about the whole thing. I mean, she swore up and down that she did not have feelings for this guy and that he was just a friend and that she wanted to be alone more than anything...
<<Hey, you know, she probably was being as honest as she could. Since she is so young and you two have been together so long, she may not know *herself* what she is/was feeling. She's probably very confused.
That doesn't make it easier for you, I'm sure. But I don't think, from what you've written, that she was really trying to deceive you.
Hang in there,
Susan
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 26, 2004, at 18:26:41
In reply to Sorry to butt in » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Susan J on January 26, 2004, at 12:12:35
ok, maybe you are right, maybe she is confused. But in her present weakened state, she is not really in the right position to make a good decision for herself, this guy is just thinking about himself, I mean, if he really cared for her, he would have given her the space and time that she needed to at least go through some proper grieving, but instead, he is able to easily manipulate her feelings since she is so mixed up. I mean, I personally would never go out with a girl who still had pictures of her and her ex boyfriend up everywhere in their old apartment, not to mention all the knick-knacks and plush toys, out of respect for her and because I cared for her and would want a proper chance for a real relationship, not some reboundorama... and I am so mad because I really genuinely loved this girl, I mean, all of her faults were bonuses to me...I would have given my life for her, and now to see this vulture preying upon her weakness to gratify himself, grrr.. makes me so mad. And she just doesn't see through his facade. anyways, she will probably end up regretting her decision at one point, one day, and when that day comes, it will probably be too late for me. I will have probably moved on and she will be sad...I just wish she had more foresight...I guess this is probably he last time I go out with a girl of lesser looks, intelligence and class because I think her strong emotional is worth the sacrifice... boy did I get (for lack of a better word) Skewed. anyways... I guess ranting about it and dreaming about it will not change the present fact that she does not love me or even care for my wel being and I should just move on in my life all the wiser because of this scarring event. unfortunately, I don't think I will ever be able to love as madly or blindly ever again for fear of this reoccuring... there will always be a nagging thought at the back of my mind reminding me that no matter how well I think things are going, and no matter how much I tried to have the other person openly express their feelings towards me at all times, there is no garantee that it will last, and I should just relinquish future plans with someone and live in the present like some animal like my ex is now doing (her exact words were she does not want to think about anything, she just wants to live day by day and not worry about anything.). well, I guess life sucks...
-Mike
Posted by Mimi on January 31, 2004, at 15:52:37
In reply to Re: Sorry to butt in, posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 26, 2004, at 18:26:41
>Mike--I love your word, "rebounderama." I'm going to use it. I agree whole heartedly with you; I would never go out with anyone who was just out of a serious relationship. It's real bad form AND predatory!
Why did you go out with a gal of "lesser looks, intelligence and class?" Are you insecure? Why not find a suitable mate?
Myself, I wouldn't cave to emulating her style. Just be yourself and you'll find a more appropriate love in the future. I know, it sux having to watch the whole drama. Just do something else to forget about it for awhile. I'm so glad my ex lives in another town!!!!!!
Yeah, life sucks, then you die, but you can LIVE in the meantime.
Mimi
ok, maybe you are right, maybe she is confused. But in her present weakened state, she is not really in the right position to make a good decision for herself, this guy is just thinking about himself, I mean, if he really cared for her, he would have given her the space and time that she needed to at least go through some proper grieving, but instead, he is able to easily manipulate her feelings since she is so mixed up. I mean, I personally would never go out with a girl who still had pictures of her and her ex boyfriend up everywhere in their old apartment, not to mention all the knick-knacks and plush toys, out of respect for her and because I cared for her and would want a proper chance for a real relationship, not some reboundorama... and I am so mad because I really genuinely loved this girl, I mean, all of her faults were bonuses to me...I would have given my life for her, and now to see this vulture preying upon her weakness to gratify himself, grrr.. makes me so mad. And she just doesn't see through his facade. anyways, she will probably end up regretting her decision at one point, one day, and when that day comes, it will probably be too late for me. I will have probably moved on and she will be sad...I just wish she had more foresight...I guess this is probably he last time I go out with a girl of lesser looks, intelligence and class because I think her strong emotional is worth the sacrifice... boy did I get (for lack of a better word) Skewed. anyways... I guess ranting about it and dreaming about it will not change the present fact that she does not love me or even care for my wel being and I should just move on in my life all the wiser because of this scarring event. unfortunately, I don't think I will ever be able to love as madly or blindly ever again for fear of this reoccuring... there will always be a nagging thought at the back of my mind reminding me that no matter how well I think things are going, and no matter how much I tried to have the other person openly express their feelings towards me at all times, there is no garantee that it will last, and I should just relinquish future plans with someone and live in the present like some animal like my ex is now doing (her exact words were she does not want to think about anything, she just wants to live day by day and not worry about anything.). well, I guess life sucks...
> -Mike
Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on February 1, 2004, at 9:35:38
In reply to Re: Sorry to butt in » nukeme1(Mike), posted by Mimi on January 31, 2004, at 15:52:37
Wow, thanks for your support... it is almost incredible that a perfect stranger (such as yourself) could actually read my rantings and babblings and care about me and try to aid me more than the person that I thought loved me more than the world....guess it goes to show me that my whole view on the subject was a little slanted to say the least. anyhow, I think I might be able to live, although I really must say that the flu I just got did not make my weekend the least but enjoyable (especially since I was supposed to meet this new girl that works with my mother, as a friend, she seems really nice and I think we would probably get along nicely.) anyways, I can wait till next weekend. in the meantime though, I am still alone and I do still feel weird about the whole thing. I mean, I feel used, I feel lied to, betrayed even. I feel angry, I feel irate and I could almost strangle someone...well, maybe not, but you get the jist of it. anyways, thank you for your support and interest in my crappy breakup, and have a nice day! :)
-Mike
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