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Re: hospitals round the world alexandra_k

Posted by twinleaf on July 2, 2009, at 16:22:11

In reply to Re: hospitals round the world, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2009, at 23:42:08

Oh. It;s hard to imagine the pain of going through all that. But isn't it OK to accept that you have, right now. a lot of the pain that people who are borderline have- they have never had any kind of good maternal attachment, and just can't self-regulate or self-soothe. Please don't hate yourself for that.

I HOPE you can find a therapist whom you can see twice a week and can work the attachment and self-regulating issues through with him/her, taking as many years as you need. I'm lots older than you, but when I was in my 20's and 30's I had a diagnosis of BPD also. When I finally found the right therapist (psychoanalyst in my case), it was on my third therapist try, in my early 30's. I saw him twice a week for just two years, but I felt and acted entirely different afterwards, I just didn't feel that horrible, unassuageable longing any longer. I finished my post-doctoral training, met and married a really good guy (before, I felt I couldn't possibly marry anyone, even though I dated all the time), and we have one really wonderful son, who is now a physicist at Princeton. In fact, we have a wonderful physicist daughter-in-law and a beautiful new grandson! I really did overcome almost all of the incredibly painful symptoms associated with BPD. There were many years of happiness and well-being (not perfect, of course!) What I have now is quite different- it's a depression caused by all the members of my family- including younger brothers- dying all at once- and being very cold and abusive to me as they did so, even though, as a doctor, I was trying my best to make sure they had the best and most compassionate care possible. I know I am more vulnerable than average, so something like this was more likely to happen to me. Still. I can tell you with certainty that it has been many years since I had BPD. I feel certain that the treatment I had cured me of it.

I will say, honestly, that I did have some things that helped me be more resilient in dealing with the BPD. I have a good mind, am generally well-liked, have a lot a varied interests, and had enough energy to keep going and get a good education and career. But I have to tell you Alex, I think you have these qualities more than I do. The one crucial thing is to get the right therapist! Be very choosy. I was cured of BPD, and you can be, too- you deserve it so much.

There are so many things which shine forth in your posts, even when you are feeling awful- your very high intelligence, your interests, your ability to work and accomplish a lot even when you are suffering- and a kind of intangible: your love of, and commitment to life itself. I want to add one more thing: you write exceptionally well. It is often beautiful and moving to us, even though it may have been written in haste, without much thought. It is a wonderful gift to have, and might be something you would want to develop at some point.

I hope you will be able to tell us, soon, that you have found a great therapist.




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