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Re: helllllllllllllooooooooooooo? alexandra_k

Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 9, 2009, at 15:22:34

In reply to Re: helllllllllllllooooooooooooo?, posted by alexandra_k on June 8, 2009, at 3:10:57

> He... Does everything but bear me in mind when I'm not there.<<

-----flutterby: Sounds like he dropped the ball for you on this one. I'm sorry. Being the youngest of a mixed marriage family and experiencing much neglect-- if I had experienced this- it would hurl me into "flight" mode. Being forgotten - means danger and NOT safe-- from my background.
This leads me to ponder if your T. realizes how important it was to you that he left a space open. Sometimes we think they know us very well-- but maybe they don't realize as much as we think they do. It does sound like he's been making other efforts to help you. Maybe scheduling is not a strong characteristic of his.

> It is the only problem we have. So hard for me to know how much to make of this.<<

---flutterby: yes, it is hard. I struggle with such things too.

>> I guess... I guess I have a sneaking suspicion that it will sort itself out. That he will happen to get cancellations and I'll happen to get more or less frequent sessions until we are back to once a week. Even though once a week isn't ideal for me. I don't know.<<

---flutterby: It could very well work out like that.

>> I just feel so very hurt about this. And I do wonder... About how much he thinks of me. About whether subconsciously at least he simply doesn't want to keep working with me. I feel like he has been dissuading me... But then I wondered if that was because he was going to amp the 'you are avoidant' thing and make me really work for an additional session. Now I'm seeing that... If I just fell out of contact with him... How much would he really notice or care?
> Sob.
> Geez I'm pathetic.<<

----flutterby: No, I don't think you're pathetic. I think you are fragile-- if you don't mind me saying so. A fragile soul needs compassion and understanding. The thing that would help me to decide to go back or not would be if I was apologized to. I had a T. drop the ball and he never apologized-- things just got more strained after that, until I quit with him. maybe I'm too fragile-- but-- I have to stay safe. My new T. now is awesome and she has never dropped the ball, apologizes when needed and we don't even correspond outside of sessions-- odd-- I've never felt safer... ever!

I hope things work out for you, whatever ends up-- you are in my thoughts. Life can be such an uphill climb.......





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