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Re: helllllllllllllooooooooooooo?

Posted by alexandra_k on June 8, 2009, at 2:21:31

In reply to Re: helllllllllllllooooooooooooo?, posted by alexandra_k on June 8, 2009, at 1:29:35

he just doesn't think of me outside of work. i know that. he thinks a lot of his family. he said to me once (when we just started working together) that the only thing that would make him stop seeing me was if he felt his family was in danger. hard to explain the context of that. i felt a bit insulted that he would even mention that. but i guess it shows how important his family is to him. i remember when he told me about taking the two months off. i guess he thought that some kind of explanation would help me understand that when the two months started would be variable. it did help with that. he was really obviously happy about the situation. that was kinda hard.

then i didn't hear back from him. i even sent him an email saying that i was scared that the delivery didn't go well and that that was why i hadn't heard. nothing. until two months later. he was apologetic. about things being more hectic than he had supposed. but the truth was that he was so caught up in that that he didn't even check his email. didn't think of me. didn't check his email. didn't take the time. and that is it, really. his family take priority over all else (as i guess they should) and when i'm not around... well i guess his other clients take priority over me (as i guess they should) and so basically where does that leave me? not really anywhere with him. not really anywhere at all.

i guess the trade-off was that he was pretty good when i was actually there in front of him. aside from that, not so much, but pretty good when i was actually there in front of him. but this mess up... well... i'm not actually going to be in front of him. i can kind of see him squirming over this. knowing he messed up but kind of trying to minimize that and put it right at the same time. i expect he will be surprised at my reaction... i don't suspect he will have learned anything at all about the 'not making promises that you can't keep' thing that we went through last time. it just... really hurts. i'd kept in touch. i'd kept him informed about when i was planning on flying etc etc etc. he was the first person to know really. i appreciated that he might need a number of weeks to sort things out from his end. but basically... he didn't even try and sort things out from his end until I'd arrived already. then surprise (not so surprising really) he is basically booked out for the next month and a half. really that wasn't surprising. i could have told him that and i know nothing about the details of his schedule. i can't believe that that never occurred to him.

i think... he doesn't want to work with me anymore. before i left he said he would keep a slot open for me. that he couldn't keep two open, but he would keep one. then he made a big deal about 'IF you choose to keep seeing me instead of seeing someone else'. a little too much of a big deal about that. then when i told him about when i was planning on flying he said i should let him know if i'd decided to keep working with him. i was like 'of course i have i thought that was the plan all along'. i think... he is trying to dump me off / discourage me from seeing him. pretty sure that is it. there isn't anything he can say or do to change that. he didn't think of me at all. out of sight out of mind. we are through. it is what he wants really. one only needs to look at his behavior.




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