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(((((Estella))))) (nm)

Posted by susan47 on August 5, 2006, at 9:54:37

In reply to .., posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 5:52:28

> it is funny how most people think 'mummy' (or 'mommy' i guess, depending on where you are from)
> but i don't
> i think 'daddy'
> mother...
> mental image of a stern woman
> an aversive response
> domineering
> overpowering
> distress
> cornered
> daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy
> i loved you daddy
> you didn't have to do much
> just not hurt me
> not hit me
> not yell at me
> not say horrible things to me
> smile in my direction sometimes
> but you left
> you left me
> and chin up i had to be good
> 'it is much better now 'cause now they don't fight any more'
> thats what good mature girls say to the councellors
> and cry quietly at night
> where nobody can see
> it still hurts
> i wonder if it always will
> i know some people think mummy / mommy
> something about the womb
> but not me
> if guys gave birth it would make more sense
> but they don't.
> basic anatomical misunderstanding
> again
> there is something...
> well there can be something
> symbiotic about making love.
> that can be beautiful
> feeling happy
> feeling safe
> feeling protected
> and warm
> oh god i miss that so much.
> not a daddy thing of course
> but there isn't any such thing as a daddy thing
> not once you get older
> like guys and their mothers i guess.
> what the hell am i rambelling about...
> i don't know.
> why didn't my parents love me?
> sometimes it hurts so much.




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