Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 3:32:56
In reply to Re: (I don't get the whole transference thing) » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2005, at 22:39:43
sorry about that post about transference...
that wasn't really what you meant...
i'm sorry
:-(
i don't know what goes on with me sometimes...
just spinning a little
time to go to bed
have a cry
get up tomorrow and get back in to my work
and i can't believe that it just doesn't matter about that
it just doesn't matter
how much of my life i spend crying
how much of my life i spend living in the past
and i can't forget i can't
i can't move on
i can't stay in the present
it is always there
and the black claws come and grip me at night
almost every night
but i have to take it to bed
becaus eother people can't see me
they can't see me like this
but its okay because i function
well enough...
well enoughand so it doesn't matter
and im really very sorry...
it is like my world just closes down sometimes
like how when you are in pain
your pain becomes your whole world
that is all there is is pain
and there is noting else
no outside
no outside of it
and quite often my life is like that
and mostly...
i'm just self absorbed is all
and people catch me with half of my attention
because i'lm really just focused on myself
or the past
or somewhere
anywhere
never put yourself in one place
never stay in one place
because if they come for you there
and find all of you
you will be annihilated
but why does that matter when you just want to die anyway?
best i can figure there must be worse things than death...
far worse...
and its not annihilation you have to fear...
its that something else.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:575153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/583614.html